A client recently told me a story that made me laugh, and then made me think.
For months she had been frustrated with herself because she wasn’t getting to the gym as often as she wanted. She had the membership. She had the intention. She had the workout clothes. What she didn’t have was any desire to fight her way through her gym’s parking lot.
It was tight, confusing, and stressful. Every visit started with circling, squeezing into a spot, and a little spike of tension before she had even walked through the door. Somewhere along the way, her brain quietly decided the workout wasn’t worth the parking lot.
So she did something that sounds almost too simple. She switched to a less fancy gym, one with an easy, open parking lot. And guess what? She goes far more often now.
It Wasn’t a Willpower Problem
Most of us would have diagnosed her situation as a motivation issue. I need to be more disciplined. I need to want it more. That is the story we usually tell ourselves when we fall short.
But her motivation never changed. Her environment did. The real obstacle wasn’t the workout at all. It was a small, annoying step standing between her and the workout, one that showed up every single time.
That is the part that fascinates me. We often set up situations that complicate our own goals, and then we blame ourselves when we don’t reach them.
Small Obstacles, Big Effects
Researchers have a word for these little barriers: friction. And it turns out even tiny amounts of it change what we do.
In one study at the University of Pennsylvania, researchers made small changes to a cafeteria salad bar. They moved certain foods about 10 inches farther away, or swapped a spoon for tongs. That’s it. Those minor changes reliably reduced how much of those foods people took, by roughly 8 to 16 percent (Rozin et al., 2011, Judgment and Decision Making). Ten inches. A different utensil. Nobody’s goals or values changed, yet their behavior did.
The gym itself shows the same pattern. A data firm called Dstillery analyzed location data from 7.5 million mobile devices to see how often people actually went to their gyms. People who went only once a month traveled a median of 5.1 miles to get there, while those who went five or more times a month traveled about 3.7 miles (Wall Street Journal coverage via Dstillery). Less than a mile and a half separated the occasional gym goer from the regular. (A note of honesty: this was a commercial data analysis, not a peer-reviewed study, and it shows a pattern rather than proving distance is the cause. Still, it lines up with what my client discovered on her own.)
A parking lot, ten inches, a mile and a half. None of these sound like big deals. But friction doesn’t have to be big to work. It just has to be there every time.
Where Is Your Parking Lot?
Here is the question I’d invite you to sit with: What goal have you been blaming on willpower that might actually be a design problem?
Some parking lots I see often with clients and leaders:
- The running shoes buried in the back of the closet.
- The weekly report that requires pulling data from four different places.
- The one-on-one meetings that have to be rescheduled from scratch every time.
- The journal that lives in a drawer instead of on the nightstand.
- The networking event across town at rush hour.
None of these are character flaws. They are setup flaws. And setup is something you can change.
A Simple Friction Audit
Try this with one goal you’ve been struggling to follow through on:
- Notice where you stall. Not where you fail, but the exact moment you start finding reasons not to.
- Name the first annoying step. Often it isn’t the task itself. It’s the parking lot in front of it.
- Shrink or remove that step. Move the shoes. Build the template. Put the meeting on a recurring calendar invite. Pick the easier gym.
- Flip it around. For habits you want less of, add a little friction on purpose. Put the phone in another room. Log out of the app.
The Takeaway
My client didn’t become a more disciplined person. She became a smarter designer of her own life. She stopped asking, “Why can’t I make myself do this?” and started asking, “What is making this harder than it needs to be?”
That second question is kinder, and it’s a lot more useful.
So, where is your parking lot?
Love,
Certified Professional Coach and Psychologist
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How often have you wished for that person in your life who listens deeply, doesn’t judge you, and doesn’t try to fix you? That person who holds space for you to talk through your struggles, your hopes, and dreams so that you can live the personal and professional life that you truly want? I’m that person. Yes, I’m a psychologist and a professional life and leadership coach but my superpower is listening, deep, empathic, compassionate listening. If you’ve been seeking a professional listener who will help you live the life you truly desire, let’s set up a time to talk. My email is Lisa@LisaKaplin.com