Recently I caught myself using the word “But” quite frequently. “I’d be happy to do that
but I’m too busy right now.” “That’s an interesting response but here’s a better one.”
“He’s really good at what he does but there are still areas where he could approve.”
Saying “but” really limits or diminishes what you are saying. When someone hears that
“but” it takes away from everything that you said before that word. When I caught myself
doing this I realized that my communication wasn’t as effective as I wanted it to be.
I’ve since instituted using the word “and” instead of “but.” “I’d be happy to do that and
although I’m busy right now, let’s set up a time when I am available.” “That’s a really
interesting response and I’d like to add on to that if you are amenable to it.” “He’s really
good at what he does and I look forward to seeing him develop even more.”
Those sentences are so much more positive and powerful than the sentences with the word,
“but.” But often feels like an excuse or a rationalization versus a clear, direct, and positive
statement. It’s easy to get into verbal habits that actually diminish our communication
skills. Have you caught any that you do and if so, how will you start to change those
habits? I’ve asked friends and colleagues to call me out when they hear me using “but”
too frequently. I’ve practiced sentences in which I would have typically used the word,
“but.”
Using the word but also sends the message that there is only one right answer or one
right way to see something versus using and sends the message that two things can be
true at once. “He’s really good at his work” is true AND “He has opportunities to grow
and improve” is also true. “But” negates the second part of your sentence where as and
combines two important ideas and allows for more nuanced thinking and
communicating.
Words are only part of good communication and yet they are an important part. Could
you be sending the wrong message with the words you are using? Are you presenting
yourself in a way that is less professional than you really are? It’s never too late to
notice and change what you say and how you say it. Let me know how you do.
Love,
Certified Professional Coach and Psychologist
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How often have you wished for that person in your life who listens deeply, doesn’t judge you, and doesn’t try to fix you? That person who holds space for you to talk through your struggles, your hopes, and dreams so that you can live the personal and professional life that you truly want? I’m that person. Yes, I’m a psychologist and a professional life and leadership coach but my superpower is listening, deep, empathic, compassionate listening. If you’ve been seeking a professional listener who will help you live the life you truly desire, let’s set up a time to talk. My email is Lisa@LisaKaplin.com.