One of my favorite comedy skits is this one with Bob Newhart as a therapist. My favorite line, “Stop it.” This week, as in so many weeks in my life, I’ve seen some women working hard to cancel or take down other women. Stop it. Seriously, stop it now. I do some executive coaching for Chief, an organization started by two women to help senior, C-suite executive women get into the C-suite and stay there. The organization has grown exponentially from its humble beginnings, and as with many fast-growing companies, has hit a few roadblocks. We see organizations run by men hit huge boulders quite frequently and yet, rarely see them cancelled or publicly shamed.

Recently, an emotional, opinion piece was published on Linkedin, written by a woman who sought to take down Chief. The piece is filled with criticism, almost none of it with data or statistics to back up the accusations. Some of the criticism is related to the founders of Chief not doing enough for all women. There is a veiled accusation of racism and elitism to the post. Is it possible that some of this criticism is accurate? Possibly, but with anecdotes as ammunition, who knows? Stop it. If you want to criticize other women, do it in private, do it with facts and data and do it with the intention of helping women versus tearing them down.

What’s most ludicrous about the post is that it suggests the founders of Chief should be addressing more social issues, they should be more inclusive of women at all levels of organizations, and they apparently should never make mistakes. And here in lies the double bind that women face daily…it’s never enough. We can be the best mothers in the world, but that one time you catch us looking at our cell phones, we are the worst mothers. We work hard to lead an organization or a team and the one time we don’t listen well or snap at someone, we are not good leaders. Men are not held to these ridiculously high standards!

The founders of Chief aren’t responsible for fixing every social issue that effects women. They aren’t responsible for making sure every woman in the world feels included in their organization. They were clear on who their market was – C-suite female executives. Done. Is that exclusive? Yes, and that was the intention. I’m surprised we aren’t insisting that they solve world peace and global warming as well. When is enough enough?

As a woman who has been around for a while, it feels like it’s never enough. Successful women should be better mothers or home makers. Home makers should be working outside of the home. We should all be thin and beautiful while doing this and by the way, don’t raise your voice or get too “aggressive” in meetings. Every woman I know has felt this double bind, this ridiculous pressure to be perfect in every way. Stop it.

Yet more specifically, women, stop doing this to other women. Stop it. Step back and ask yourself if you are buying into the double bind. Are you asking other women for more than you’d ask men in that situation? If so, stop it. Even if you don’t think you are, stop it anyway. Have a conversation with other women, ask questions, find out how you can help them in some way versus drag them down. If the two women who started Chief and have tried so hard to elevate women in the work force are dragged down for not doing enough, we are all in trouble. So, stop it.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC