Maybe I’m just more aware of it or maybe it’s social media but my gosh, people are
really angry these days. The vitriol, the cruel words, the threats, and the division are so
intense and so exhausting. It’s hard not to get angry back. And it would be
understandable if many of us did. What’s going on for people that they are so filled with
rage?
Here’s the thing about anger – it is almost always in reaction to other emotions. I’m
embarrassed, so I act angry. I’m ashamed, so I snap at someone. I’m scared, but
showing fear feels wrong so instead I display anger. Although these are relatively
common reactions, they are not helpful and they certainly won’t change our underlying
emotions.
Although we can’t change how other people feel or act, we can certainly spend time on
understanding our own anger and what’s causing it. Maybe doing so will help us be
present for others who are struggling with anger and/or rage. When you feel really
angry, ask yourself why. Not just why you are feeling angry, but rather what are you
saying to yourself that’s leading to that anger?
Start to ask yourself about you and not about what someone else did to make you
angry. Why? Because no one else can make you angry but you. You are in charge of
and responsible for your own emotions and feelings. Ask yourself what feelings are
underyling that anger. Are you afraid? Ashamed? Sad? Anxious? Lonely?
Does your anger help connect you to someone else or even a group of people who are
also angry? Do you fit in with your anger and thus don’t want to let it go?
I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t ever feel anger. It’s part of the human experience
and periodically beneficial. Rather, I’m recommending that we dig a bit deeper into our
anger and learn some nuances about why we are feeling that way. Why? Because then
our anger won’t hurt us or anyone else around us? We will be less likely to yell at our
partner or snap at our co-worker or yell at our children. By learning how to manage our
anger, we will improve our relationships and ultimately, improve our well-being.
We live in an angry, aggressive, rage-filled world. It’s hurting all of us, so maybe it’s time
for each of us to explore our own anger and find more productive ways to express those
feelings.
Love,
Certified Professional Coach and Psychologist
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How often have you wished for that person in your life who listens deeply, doesn’t judge you, and doesn’t try to fix you? That person who holds space for you to talk through your struggles, your hopes, and dreams so that you can live the personal and professional life that you truly want? I’m that person. Yes, I’m a psychologist and a professional life and leadership coach but my superpower is listening, deep, empathic, compassionate listening. If you’ve been seeking a professional listener who will help you live the life you truly desire, let’s set up a time to talk. My email is Lisa@LisaKaplin.com.