My daughter is a senior in college. A number of people have told her that her job this year is to land a job for next year. These are well-intentioned people, her parents sometimes included in this list, but how beneficial is this advice? She could spend nearly every day of her senior year going to recruitment and networking events on her college campus. She could spend the rest of her time sending out lots of resumes and interviewing for jobs, some of which she’s not even interested in. This feels a bit out of balance to me. Then I look at my kid’s life trajectory and I see that lack of balance all over the place.

In grade school, the focus was on homework and test scores so that the students could get into the higher ranked classes in middle school. It was all preparation versus presence. I don’t blame the teachers or even the administration for this, but rather look to the parents who are in a constant race for the future with their children. Again, I am sometimes included in that race. In middle school, a more intense focus was on prepping for the high school placement tests. The high school placement dictated the type of college you got into and ultimately the career you landed after college. Middle school pretty much sucked because of it.

Then in high school, the students had to very strategically pick a schedule and a certain level of classes that would make them a good candidate for the top colleges. There was no room for a “C” in a class. And by the way, you had better be beefing up your application by getting involved in extra curricular activities. If you didn’t take a leadership position in those activities, really why bother. There was no being in the moment in high school; it was all about the next step. Again, not because of the excellent teachers who brought creativity and joy to the classroom, but rather the parents who out of their own anxiety, mine included, pushed their children to the path of the next step and rarely to being present in the moment of such a profound and growth filled time of life.

When Do Today’s Kids Get to Enjoy “The Best Time of Their Lives”? 

How many of you told your future college student that college was the best time of your life? How many of you have since realized that isn’t the case for most of today’s college students? And why is that? Because again, we are pushing them to the next stage of life. “Get your resume ready.” (By the way, I hired a resume and interview coach for my daughter, so I am absolutely part of this problem.) “Is your LinkedIn profile ready?” “You have to have a job lined up by Thanksgiving break or you’ll never find a good one.” And on and on we go.

Is it any wonder that this generation has ridiculously high rates of anxiety and depression? Seriously? When do our kids get to stop and be in the moment? When do they get to experience something without an adult oriented purpose or outcome attached to it? When do they get to stop and have some fun and detach from the constant pressures of our success driven culture?

What good does it do our kids to achieve academic and career success if it makes them miserable? #college #education #happiness #stress Click To Tweet

My senior year of college was one of the most fun years of my life. I relished the time of freedom, friendships, parties, and the awareness that adulthood and responsibility were right around the corner. I didn’t have a job lined up when I graduated and yet I’m a highly successful adult today. Times have changed without a doubt, but have all of those changes been for the best? I struggle to believe that to be the case.

We want our children to be successful and happy, but maybe we are putting those in the wrong order. What if happiness led to success, versus the other way around? What if truly being present in the moment and experiencing it led us to motivation and perseverance that led to both career and life success and joy? I’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC