When You’re an Adult and You Don’t Get Picked

People often reach out to me because they are interested in hiring me to be their coach. I do a discovery call with them and if we both feel it’s a good fit, they hire me. Sometimes that goes super smoothly and sometimes . . . I don’t get picked. Organizations reach out to me to see if I’d be willing to be interviewed by a VIP in their organization in order for me to possibly coach that person. Most often, I’m not the only one who is brought in to be interviewed, so I’m essentially competing against a few other people to coach the said VIP.

I like to get picked. I mostly like to get picked because I love to coach and most of the people that interview me are pretty fantastic and I’d love to work with them. I also like to get picked because I don’t like to NOT get picked. I really don’t like it at all. When I don’t get picked, I tend to go down a rabbit hole of BS storytelling. “That person didn’t like me because I’m not smart enough, experienced enough, young enough, old enough, funny enough, etc.” My stories are powerful ones and they powerfully throw me into a negative tail spin.

It turns out that kids are not the only ones who have their feelings hurt when they don’t get picked. How many of us are upset when we don’t get picked for a project or a raise? A promotion or a team lead position? Apparently, most of us. If you get upset when you don’t get picked, welcome to the club and welcome to a totally normal and understandable feeling. Validate yourself for feeling that way and then ask yourself what story you are telling yourself about why you didn’t get picked.

Don't let negative self talk take over your thoughts when you experience rejection. Look forward toward the next opportunity because there's always one out there. #rejection #opportunity #work #career Click To Tweet

Most likely the story you are telling yourself is not only not true, but it’s also making you feel way worse than you need to feel. It’s disappointing to not get picked and it also happens for a myriad of reasons, many of which you might not know. You can ask for feedback as to why you didn’t get picked. If you get some helpful feedback, own that and learn from it. Don’t, however, make up your own feedback that is likely not true.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC