Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” I’m not sure
that I fully agree with him. What are we afraid of? What’s under that fear? What I see
time and again from myself, my loved ones, and most especially my clients, we are
afraid of embarrassing ourselves. We fear shame more than we fear almost anything
else in our lives. “What if I try this and I fail, and people see that I’m a failure?” “What if
people are talking about me behind my back and laughing at me because I failed at
something?’ Our deepest fear seems to be a fear of shame and embarrassment.
Yet, has anyone ever died of shame? Maybe their reaction to shame, but not the shame
itself. What if we walked right on into that fear of shame and trusted that even if we are
embarrassed, we’ll live. We’ll be okay and in fact, we’ll probably grow from it. We’ll learn
something about ourselves and about how we want to show up in the world. What
would you do differently in your life if you weren’t afraid of being ashamed or
embarrassed?
Would you put yourself out into the world in a more risky and challenging way? Would
you ask for a raise or a promotion? Would you tell your partner how you really feel and
ask for what you really want? Would you try a new sport or a new hobby? What if
shame couldn’t hurt you in the long run? How different would your life be? What’s the
worst thing that can happen if you are embarrassed?
What if you profess your love to someone and they don’t love you back? It will hurt and
you will be okay. What if you ask for a promotion and you’re turned down? That will hurt
too, and you will be okay. What if you tried a new sport and you really sucked at it and
people laughed at you? That also will hurt, and you will also be okay. Are you picking up
a theme here? Shame and embarrassment are uncomfortable, and you will be okay
when they happen!
So go out there and walk through your fear of shame. Look shame in the face and
remind it, and yourself, that it can’t hurt you. You are going to be okay. Maybe even
intentionally embarrass yourself and see how easy it is to live through that discomfort.
Your life is way too short and way too precious to give up your biggest dreams because
you are afraid of the shame of failing.
Love,
Certified Professional Coach and Psychologist
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How often have you wished for that person in your life who listens deeply, doesn’t judge you, and doesn’t try to fix you? That person who holds space for you to talk through your struggles, your hopes, and dreams so that you can live the personal and professional life that you truly want? I’m that person. Yes, I’m a psychologist and a professional life and leadership coach but my superpower is listening, deep, empathic, compassionate listening. If you’ve been seeking a professional listener who will help you live the life you truly desire, let’s set up a time to talk. My email is Lisa@LisaKaplin.com.