Some of the work I do is coaching teams or groups. It’s lively and interesting work and it’s always fun to observe group dynamics and how they play out over time. Recently, I started working with a team and I started the session by asking them their overarching goals for the coaching relationship, as well as their goals for the session they were in. Their leader had said that many of them were overwhelmed with work and frustrated with some of the processes that go with the work they do.
When I asked the question of what they were looking for, I expected to hear that they wanted to come up with a plan to make their processes easier and more functional. Or that they wanted to figure out how to reduce their stress and periodic overwhelm. What I heard was something very different. Every single one of them stated that they wanted more connection with each other and as a team. Every one of them!
They are a virtual team and always will be due to their geographical locations. They don’t get the benefit of water cooler catch ups or after-hours gatherings and they aren’t alone. Very few teams are physically together anymore and it seems that that might be the case for a long time, possibly forever for some. This group has done some team building via Zoom and some fun activities online and yet they were still craving connection with each other.
It might sound like that connection craving is because they are virtual, but after we dug a bit deeper, we found that wasn’t the case. Many of them said they didn’t want to interrupt their teammate’s busy day or that they were afraid of being “too needy.” As each of them opened up more and more, they all realized they’d been telling themselves stories about the others on their team. What they each wanted most was connection and what they each avoided due to these stories was . . . connection!
The Power of Small, Random Acts of Connection
This team isn’t unique. Many of us are observing the stress and overwhelm in others and fear that we will add to it if we connect or reach out to that person. Yet what if we are wrong? What if what we all need is a bit more authentic connection and not less? What if our fears about annoying each other are actually mostly untrue and that a quick and meaningful connection will raise both of our moods and motivation levels?
A quick, unexpected email or text may do more to spark authentic, meaningful connection with colleagues than a formal party or retreat. #caring #connection #friendship #teambuilding Click To TweetWhat if the idea of connection doesn’t have to be an after-hours happy hour, but maybe a few minutes connecting on the phone? What if a quick email saying, “I’m thinking about you and hoping you are having a good day” could actually help your family member or teammate to feel more connected and not so alone? What if a quick, funny text brightened their day or a YouTube kitten video made them laugh out loud? What if we expanded our vision of connection and instead of being fearful of it, walked right into it and sought it out whenever possible?
These last twenty months have been so challenging with the loss of in-person connection, both personally and professionally. Let’s move toward each other. Let’s increase connection in all its forms and let’s let each other know that we are here, we want to connect, and we care.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC