What If We Stopped Being Careful?

My son and daughter-in-law are new parents and I’m a happy new grandma. It’s been an absolute pleasure to watch my son and his wife navigate parenthood. It’s a different world now versus when I raised my son. How parents feed and talk to their chlldren has changed and it’s fun to be an observer of these new parenting practices. My son recently told me that parents are advised to stop saying, “Be careful.” to their children and instead ask them, “What’s your plan?” as their children venture into the world. I’m not sure if those words will work with infants and toddlers, and yet it makes sense for somewhat older children.

 Here’s the problem with “be careful” for all of us: It suggests that we might want to be tentative and/or fearful. We might want to walk into situations focused on what could go wrong versus having a plan for what we might encounter. What if we walked into situations looking for opportunities versus looking for what could go wrong? What if we stopped being so darn careful?

 What if we walked into relationships and said what we valued, what we wanted and what we needed and believed that we could handle any response? What if we were not so careful about telling our bosses our limits and our dreams at work? What if we stopped being tentative and wishy-washy? It’s risky, I know, and yet what’s the alternative? What if we were radically candid with people and we were candid because we care about them? (I’m semi quoting the concept of Radical Candor from the similarly titled book by Kim Scott.) What if we were not afraid or we were not so careful to have tough conversations?

 What if we opened our hearts to friends and loved ones and had faith that our hearts would surivive if things didn’t go the way we wanted, but not opening our hearts is actually more painful in the long run? Being careful is easy, it’s safe, and it really doesn’t let us fully enjoy and live our lives. If we kept newly toddling babies in a small, safe space, how would they ever learn to navigate more challenging movement? How would they ever feel safe and comfortable outside of their heavily guarded play pens? 

 So, what’s your plan? How will you stop being so careful and start taking risks? What will change in your conversations, in your work and in your personal life if you stop being so careful and start getting yourself out into that big, scary and wonderful world? Here’s one of my favorite quotes:  “A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” by John A. Shedd, an American author and businessman. 

Love,