Many of the women I work with are highly successful in terms of their careers and financial earnings. They are smart, creative, and leaders in all aspects of their lives except one…checking in with themselves. These women run companies, teams, families, organizations, schedules, and more and yet, they often come to me because they are overwhelmed and burnt out. 

One day while coaching one of these brilliant women, I asked my client what she needed right in that moment. What did she need to do to take care of herself, to put herself first and to truly take care of herself? My client got very quiet and emotional and said, “No one has ever asked me that before and I’ve never asked myself that either.” It was a powerful moment for her to realize that she was meeting so many others’ needs, but not her own.

The following week, she told me she started frequently asking herself that question and it felt like a fabulous little gift to unwrap each time she asked it. She was truly delighted with the concept of addressing her own needs. We laughed as we both realized how rare it was for women to do this. I’m pretty sure there are plenty of men who don’t ask themselves this same question, but women seem to be raised to address the needs of others before themselves.

I’ve started asking my other clients this same question and their responses have been fascinating. One client admitted that she’s not even sure what she likes and doesn’t like. Other clients also admitted that the question was frustrating to them because it feels so unnatural to ask themselves versus others. Many of my clients would quickly answer the question and then finish their response with “But it’s no big deal. I’m fine.” They didn’t want to ask themselves for too much. You know it’s not okay to be needy with ourselves. (Insert sarcasm.) 

What would be different in your life if you stopped periodically and asked yourself what you needed right in that moment? Would you stop and take a break? Maybe a short walk? Or simply a glass of water? Would you call a time out at work or with your family? What would be the result of you addressing your own needs? What good might come out of you opening that little gift of taking care of you?

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC