What Are We Really Craving?

Recently, a dear friend reached out to me to tell me she was not in a great space emotionally. She didn’t want coaching or therapy from me. She really wanted me to hear her and to be witness to her feelings without trying to fix it or change things for her. The request is a bit harder than it sounds because who of us wants to hear someone we love in pain and not try to fix it or comfort them in some way? And although it was challenging, I stayed present for my friend. We ended up having a deep, profound conversation that helped both of us.

We talked about the overarching angst that seems to be present in our country, our homes, our work, with individuals and within groups. She and I both realized that we are seeking simplicity, quiet, and in-person connection. When we don’t get that, which most of us don’t, we look inside ourselves. But inside is scary and lonely, so we reach back out to technology or superficial connections and then the cycle happens all over again.

COVID, and all of the changes that it brought, has left many of us fleeing to our comfort spaces, our homes, and often it has left us alone or with only our housemates. Finding comfort at home isn’t a bad thing and yet we are missing a crucial part of being a social, connected human and that quiet, safe connection and time with others. We aren’t hanging out with each other, particularly not without technology. We aren’t just being in each other’s presence and it seems so many of us are struggling with that loss, yet not sure what to do about it.

Learning to Reconnect In Real Life

I’m not sure I have all of the answers, but I think I have a few.

First, do what my brilliant friend did. Reach out to someone and have a deep, meaningful talk with them. Stand witness to each other’s feelings and thoughts without judgment and with curiosity.

Second, find some people to just hang out with. Be in person, be together, and just be with others. We are social beings and we need each other. Maybe you are out of “in person” practice and that’s okay. Take some baby steps and get with other people.

Post COVID-lockdown most of us are craving human interaction, but we're out of practice with “in person” life. That’s okay. Take baby steps and get with other people. #isolation #connection #friendship #relationships Click To Tweet

Third, put your technology away for at least a few minutes each day and connect with yourself! Be with you. Listen to you. Allow all of your thoughts and feelings to come in and out as needed. Be present for yourself and see how that feels. See if being present for yourself doesn’t also help you be present for others.

We are all craving connection and many of us are finding it in all the wrong places. Go connect and do it in person, with the goal of truly being there for each other. Watch your world change when you do it.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC