“If it’s a red flag while you are dating, it turns into a billboard sign after you get married.”
These wise words are from one of my clients who just got divorced.
My work puts me into the unique position of 20/20 hindsight on dating mistakes that may lead you right into divorce court.
Address the Red Flags
So many of the women I work with tell me there were signs that they were with the wrong guy, but they ignored the signs in either the hopes of changing the guy or changing themselves.
Dating is the absolute right time to address the red flags so you don’t end up trying to ignore the painful billboards that take over your life once you’re married.
Can you live with your differences?
Yes! Discuss Religion and Politics!
You know that old piece of advice, “Never discuss religion and politics in polite company”? Don’t listen to that.
By all means, discuss your religious views and preferences, your political party, your values, beliefs and dreams with any man you have dated more than a handful of times.
You don’t necessarily have to have all of the same viewpoints, but you certainly need to know if you can live with his and he yours.
Don’t Make Marriage More Difficult
Marriage is hard work anyway and being diametrically opposed on issues that are important to you will make your marriage even more difficult.
Do you truly love to watch every minute of mixed martial arts? If so, tell that to your man and enjoy. If not, don’t pretend you do.
So many women tell me they wanted to be closer to their man, so they pretended to love all of the things he is interested in.
“The happiest marriages are when two people add to each other’s already happy lives.”
Here’s the problem:
You’re pretending you are someone you’re not.
It’s perfectly reasonable to show interest in some of his hobbies and invite him to show an interest in yours, but if you only focus on his likes, then your relationship is already on shaky ground.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC
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