A year ago today, I was on my way home from a life-changing trip to Israel. I was there with 200 other women from all over the country. On the first day of our trip, our fearless leader handed each of us a wristband. She told us that we must switch the band from wrist to wrist every time we complained or gossiped. I was sure that I wouldn’t have to change that band even once because I was so grateful and happy to be on this trip.
Almost immediately, I found it necessary to switch the band. I was annoyed at one of our group mates for what I considered to be bragging. A few minutes later, I was apparently aggravated with the hot weather despite the fact that it was a relatively mild Israeli summer. Later I was hungry (band switch), frustrated (band switch), jealous (band switch), and tired (band switch). At one point I just stopped switching the band and told people to assume that I had switched it for the maximum number of times on that day.
So why all of the complaining and gossiping?
Here’s the interesting thing. Looking back, I am quite sure that I loved absolutely every minute of that trip. Each day ended with me feeling joyful, spiritual, connected, and grateful. So why all of the complaining and gossiping? After a good year of evaluation, I’ve decided that I’m addicted to negativity. I’m also not alone in that many of the women on the trip confessed to constant band switching.
Many of us are just used to being negative. Complaining is as habitual as reaching for a cigarette or junk food and in many ways, equally as dangerous. That negativity pulled me out of the moment. It stole my energy and forced me to regroup in order to get focused on what was truly the opportunity of a lifetime. If I was complaining on this trip, how much must I be complaining in my day-to-day life?
Optimism isn’t actually that hard to find.
After I got home, I went on an optimism hunt and realized that it wasn’t actually that hard to find. I looked for good in my world versus bad. I looked for forgiveness and grace versus criticism and judgment. Every time I reminded myself to do so, my mood and my energy dramatically increased and I felt younger and more playful than I have in many years.
When I am complaining and negative, I only see the negative around me. When I am hopeful and optimistic, I only see the good. A client recently said to me that it’s her voice she has to change and not so much her surroundings. How brilliant is that? When we change that negative voice, we change the world. Like any other addiction, this one has been hard to break and takes near constant vigilance but trust me, it’s worth it.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC