In a couple of weeks my baby graduates from 8th grade and the era of mothering grade schoolers will be over for me.  Part of me is filled with joy that I will never have to attend a painful school picnic, or parent/teacher meeting yet there is another part of me that dreads the inevitable passing of time.  It’s not that I don’t want my children to grow up and reach the next milestone it’s just that there is an unmistakable sadness that comes with saying good bye to that time of your parenting life.

Never again will I kiss a sweet little one good bye at the bus stop and have them be happy to kiss me back.  No more funny school choral concerts or middle school sporting events.  But more than that (as I know from my two older children) my baby will need me less and less over the next few years.  He will tell his friends more than he tells me and that’s how it should be but oh it is so hard for this mama to let go.

People told me that being a mother was the hardest job on earth and initially I thought that was due to the lack of sleep, physical labor, mind-numbing day to day routine of raising young children but now I know it’s because the job of mother is to let go.  Motherhood requires us to put absolutely everything we have into these little beings only to just as quickly let them go . . . and to do so with a smile on our faces.  Much to my children’s shame, I often do it without a smile and with a terribly ugly cry to boot.

With my baby I’ve tried hard to be conscious of each of the transitions to gently say to myself, “this is the last time” and to be ok with the pit in my stomach that comes with that awareness.  I’ve tried to be kind to myself with each of my children’s transitions toward adulthood because my feelings are so mixed and often so fragile.  “Did I do my best?” “Am I sending them into the next stage in the best way possible?”  And the inevitable, “I could have done so much more and so much better.”  I’ve tried to let those thoughts go because they aren’t helpful and they can’t change the past.  I did my best and that’s all we can ask of ourselves.

I’ve been emotional and lacking in motivation over the last couple of weeks.  At first I couldn’t put a finger on it and then one day I sat in my family room watching my oldest son come home from finishing his junior year of college, my daughter leave for her first paying job, and my baby prepare to start high school.  The three of them swirled around the house while I just watched them move forward without me.  It is how it should be but wow does it hurt to think of the day that they won’t all be flurrying around my house.

I’ll feel better soon, either because they are driving me crazy or because that’s what mother’s do.  We pick ourselves up and we cheer our children on to the next stage of their lives.   Because ultimately what choices do we have?  Children (if we are lucky) grow up, move on, start lives and families of their own and we become supporting roles in the movie of their lives.  It’s time to star in our own roles again, to find our own happiness, and grow in other areas of our lives.  I will do that and hopefully so will you but I’m going to do it with both happy and sad tears and despite their opposition, lots of hugs and kisses for my three growing babies.

Happy May to all of you!

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC