In the fall of 2018, I declared my husband and I empty nesters. It was a time of wildly mixed emotions. I missed my three children terribly and I also loved a quiet, empty nest. They would come home for holidays and school/work breaks, but otherwise my husband and I would have time alone, with our dog, and with each other for the first time in well over twenty years. I was ready to travel, sell the house, downsize, and prioritize my own career and personal development. Apparently, the universe had other plans.

March of 2020 brought two of my three children home and unbeknown to us, it wasn’t for a few weeks but rather for almost a year. Admittedly, there were some reentry issues. Mostly it was because we set some strict rules on our two adult children so that they wouldn’t get COVID and they wouldn’t give it to us. For the most part, they handled it quite well and we settled into living together again with limited options of being apart. We played card games, went for walks, watched every TV series that we could find, and enjoyed almost every dinner together.

When my children were little, I would frequently comment that each stage of their lives was my favorite stage (except for the sleepless nights when they were newborns). I loved having toddlers and feisty preschoolers. Grade school was so cute. I loved their sweet faces running into the house at the end of the day, happy to see me and their dog. Even high school was enjoyable as they all found their friends and activities that they enjoyed.

The Special Gift of Adult Children

Yet now I realize that my favorite stage of parenting is the present. My children are adults, fine adults if I do say so myself, and I love spending time with them. Having my two youngest home for such a long period of time allowed us to get to know each other as friends, roommates, and mostly equals, though we still paid the bills. We talked about big and small issues and learned things about each other that we hadn’t known. I missed my older son terribly during this time as we only were able to see him periodically and mostly during the warmer summer months. And yet that allowed us the time to really get special time that younger children don’t often get alone with their parents.

Adult children are a special gift. They are friends. Now that they are adults we can learn and grow with them. #parenting #EmptyNest #pandemic Click To Tweet

In January, our daughter moved to New York City to start her job (virtually) and to be near some of her friends. It was time, but we miss her so much. Our son is back in college (virtually) and living with us some of the time and staying with friends in other cities some of the time. In the fall, he is hopefully going back to Los Angeles where he goes to college. Our nest will once again be empty. Part of me is excited about that and the other part of me is heartbroken.

Never again will I assume that my nest is empty for good. And never again will I take for granted the time I get with my adult children. Every moment with them is a gift. This last year was truly a bonus gift despite all of the stress around the pandemic. With all of the heartache and stress of the pandemic, a nearly full nest has brought so much joy.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC