In the self-improvement world, we often talk about resilience. Resilience is a really good and important characteristic for all of us to develop. When we are resilient, we have the capacity to recover quickly, to bounce back, to survive and to thrive. Who wouldn’t want that? Yet many of us have learned how to be adaptable, but not quite resilient. What’s the difference? When we are adaptable, we learn how to adjust to new situations or conditions in our lives. So what’s wrong with that, you ask?

When we are too adaptable, we are actually adjusting to things that maybe we shouldn’t be adjusting to. Should we adapt to bad relationships, bad working conditions, abusive bosses, toxic environments? I don’t think so, but it can be easy to do. “I can handle this. I’m okay. It’s fine.” Why is it okay to just be fine in life? What’s wrong with being freakin’ fabulous? Bad things happen and resilience is in order for those times in life, but being adaptable might not be the right choice.

Are You Adaptable or Resilient?

So how do you know when you are being adaptable versus resilient? Ask yourself this question, “What am I tolerating in life and what’s it costing me to do so?” If I stay in this job, what am I losing out on? If this relationship continues as is, what will it cost me in the long run? What will I be giving up if I stay adaptable? How can I summon the strength to push against adaptability and into some scary challenges in life?

Adaptability might lead to not living your fullest life possible. So what have you been “fine” with and how are you going to push through that comfort zone in order to really challenge yourself into a big, fantastic life? Have you ever heard about frogs in boiling water? If you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, (I’m not sure why you would ever do this but hear me out.) it will jump right out of the pot. However, if you put a frog into room temperature water and then slowly increase the water temperature to boiling, (Please don’t try this at home.) the frog will adapt and essentially stay until it dies.

It’s a sad frog story for sure, yet how many people do you know that have lived their lives that way? They’ve just tolerated a crappy life and then they die. Kind of like that really depressing saying, “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” How true is that? And more importantly, why does that have to be true? Listen. Adaptability can make life comfortable, easy and just fine, but is that what life is really all about? How about getting a bit uncomfortable, getting out of your slowly boiling water and live your life like the badass frog you are?

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC