I recently read an article that said most people love to give advice but most people don’t like to receive advice. Yes, you read that right. Who doesn’t like to tell someone else what to do? And who of us actively dislikes when someone else tells us what to do? Me! I know that I’m a small sample size, but I’ve had others tell me this frequently. We like to know that we know and to show it. It’s fun to be an expert, or at least to pretend we are an expert.
So how do we deal with doing something that we love to do and yet have others not like what we are doing and vice versa? From where I sit, it all comes down to retraining ourselves to put our own agendas away and truly listen so that we can be fully present for someone. What if we listened without judgment, without wanting to retort back, and without trying to fix someone else? I’ll tell you what would happen – world peace!
Ok, that might be a bit of hyperbole, but how different would our world, our country, our families, our partnerships be if we actually started to truly listen to each other? It’s not easy to do and I get paid to do it! However, we can do it if we decide that listening to the other person is the most important thing we can do in that moment. It means not judging what they are saying, even if we adamantly disagree and even if we are positive that they are wrong. It means not giving them advice unless they ask for it, and even then being comfortable with them not taking our advice.
The first step to a healthy relationship is practicing true listening. When someone needs us, we must decide listening to the other person is the most important thing we can do. #relationships #listening #leadership #friendship Click To TweetThink about how different your relationships would be if you decided to start doing this. Think of the connection you would have with others and the trust you would build by truly listening to them. Think of the arguments you would avoid and the acceptance you would find if you were able to do this. In my role as a coach and trainer, people ask me all the time for the secret to healthy relationships, and the secret is listening without judgment or giving advice. That’s it. That’s the secret.
So, what can you do to add just a tiny bit of this behavior into your life and your relationships? How can you practice putting your own agenda and beliefs aside so that you can truly listen to someone else? Let me know how it goes.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC
Dale Carnegie principle 8 is “Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.”