In December of 2019, my family celebrated the 60-year wedding anniversary of my in-laws. It was a quiet, but joyful, celebration of a truly remarkable marriage. I’ve known my in-laws for over thirty years. I find them each to be wonderful, kind, and smart people. Yet, they are just people, flaws and all, like the rest of us. When my in-laws are together, which is almost always, they are magic. Thus, the 60-year mark wasn’t a surprise to those of us who know them.

Their marriage is a traditional one, with my father-in-law, until recently, working outside of the home and my mother-in-law working in the home. They had very clear divisions of labor. I think most of us in today’s marriages would find their division to be untenable and probably sexist. However, if you know them, you would find their relationship to be highly equitable and filled with love and respect. Their choices suited them and their relationship and thus worked perfectly for them. A lesson to all of us!

As my own marriage has gone through its ups and downs, I have closely observed my in-laws for signs of discontent and have found almost none. They both have admitted to arguing and yelling at times, but to quickly reconciling and moving forward with little residual resentment. They are always kind to each other, respectful, and outwardly loving. In my more bitter moments, I was sure they had to be faking it! 

The Secret to a Long and Happy Marriage

I’ve observed so many marriages and relationships over the years and sadly find that many of them are not particularly happy or beneficial to both people in the relationship. That is not the case with my in-laws. I’ve tried for years to figure out their secrets. It all comes back to simple commitment, love, and respect. Both of my in-laws were only children when they married. Maybe that plays a role in their apparent delight to spend time with each other. They are rarely apart and sometimes seem shocked at modern marriages that include business and pleasure travel individually. 

The secret to a happy marriage is deceptively simple: commitment, love, and respect. #marriage #love #relationships Click To Tweet

I’ve rarely heard my in-laws say a cruel word to each other. They listen when the other speaks and usually defend each other when their children and grandchildren are playing devil’s advocate. This last election had them voting differently, yet still in line with each other on their basic values and political beliefs. I was sure politics would trigger some contention, but again, I was wrong. 

Their love is one for the ages. I’m grateful to have observed them and to have been part of their incredible love story. I wish they could bottle the magic and share it with so many others who struggle to find joy and contentment within their relationships. Their relationship surely must have been a bit of a challenge for their children in that it isn’t easy to duplicate what their parents have and thus, anything else might feel like a failure. 

I’ll keep asking my in-laws for their marriage secrets, but so far they’ve only told me, “patience, lots of it, and yelling when necessary.” Clearly, humor is part of their magic. Maybe their secret is that they have held on tight to each other through all stages of life. Each has always put their relationship above almost anything else. Together they are stronger and more resilient than each of them alone. I’m so grateful to have witnessed part of their sixty amazing years.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC