When my oldest child was a sophomore in high school he dropped a big bomb on me. He asked to stop taking Spanish class and instead take . . . guitar. I’d always planned on my children being bilingual. You may think this would be a good time to point out that that might not be my decision, but I would really appreciate if you would keep that to yourself. How is a mother supposed to control her children with judgments from others?
Anyway, I said, “No way, you will ruin your whole life and end up in the gutter.” I try not to be overdramatic with my children and I think I had a valid point. This particular child of mine has the tendency to be a bit stubborn (obviously a quality he picked up from his father) and continued to insist that Spanish class was ruining his high school experience. Thinking I was particularly brilliant, I told him that if his academic advisor approved the change then I would concur.
What is wrong with these academic advisors? I mean this crazy young woman says to me, “He’s a really good kid but he’s stressed out and unless you are planning to try and get him into the Ivy’s, I think this is a good idea.” Stubborn child proceeds to tell me that he has no interest in the Ivy’s, will never apply for the National Honor Society, and would not even consider an ACT tutor. I think I lost a few years off of my life but what could I do with such blatant disregard for teen-aged perfection? Thank goodness I have two more children to manipulate.
As I headed into a serious chocolate and wine induced stupor over this parenting tragedy, my child went a bit crazy. He started to have fun, hang out with friends, play the guitar like a hippy from the 60’s, and get some seriously good grades. He was nice to his siblings, fed the dog when asked, and had a whole 2×2 section of his bedroom floor clean enough so that we could see the carpet. I shudder to admit this but he was actually an enjoyable teen-ager. I had obviously failed as a mother.
I knew I would be redeemed when he started the college application process. What kind of college would take a guitar playing kid with not enough Spanish training and no Honor Society badge (do they give badges?)? It would be a bittersweet victory when he was denied access to every college and I could say, “I told you not to drop Spanish for guitar.” Well, as with every other disappointment of this parenting failure story, my son got into college. Not the kind that you pay for an online diploma, a real college, and a scary good one at that.
Dear reader, I tell you this cautionary tale so that you will learn from my mistakes. Push your children really hard academically, socially, and athletically. Insist on all high level classes and stand over them so that they get straight A’s and perfect ACT scores. Ignore all signs of anxiety or stress. If your child hasn’t cured cancer yet, you have failed people! What could possibly be the benefit of hanging with friends, socializing, and listening to music? Don’t listen to your children, what do they know about their own life? Push, push, push and being bilingual by the age of 17 should not be optional!
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC