For years, I watched the ten o’clock news. Afterwards, I would get into bed quite sure that the world was filled with terrible people. I saw nasty people everywhere. There were mean people driving on the highway, grumpy people on the train, and rude people all over my life. I saw gossipy people in my community, demanding people at work, and even my own family seemed rather difficult. It was all so discouraging and hopeless.
Then one day, I decided to stop watching the news. I went to bed earlier, read a good book, and woke up genuinely happier. At the same time, I stopped taking every behavior of others as a direct confrontation with me. Most people who are crabby and miserable are that way because of themselves, not because of others. Why did I need to take on their unhappiness? I started to look for positive, happy, and kind people to friend and distanced myself from those who were not very enjoyable to be around.
Suddenly, there seemed to be a lot of really good people in the world.
Suddenly, there seemed to be a lot of really good people in the world. There were drivers who waived people ahead in a traffic jam. There were helpful people on the train who made room for others or helped carry heavy bags. I started to observe random acts of kindness all around me by so many people. Where had all of these people been hiding? Had the world suddenly changed right before my eyes?
Apparently not. It turns out that I had changed. In doing so, I had changed my focus. It’s like walking into a department store to look for a pair of black pants. All you see are a variety of black pants and you miss out on the colorful dresses, the warm coats, and the soft scarves. When your mind is made up on one idea, it scans for evidence of just that. So when I thought there were only bad people in the world, all I saw were bad people.
When I shifted my focus, my vision changed
When I shifted my focus, my vision changed and thus the world that I lived in changed as well. I didn’t put on rose-colored glasses in order to pretend that the bad was good – it isn’t. Instead, I actively looked for the good and that’s where all the good people were. I don’t ignore the news. I follow the news, but I follow it in smaller doses and at my own discretion. I choose when to acknowledge the bad and how to care for those I love because of it. Yet I also, very carefully, choose the good. I choose the good news, the good stories, and most especially the good people.
It turns out the world is filled with colorful, joyful, kind, and compassionate people. They are funny and silly and helpful and in every way as interesting and fabulous as you would want them to be. There are people who do good things without waiting for recognition and there are people who are braver and more daring than I ever thought possible. They are here. The good people are right here waiting to be found.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC