The famous song line, “Regrets, I’ve had a few” is one that I think many of us can relate to. Yet what I see frequently, is that people get stuck in those regrets. They live the rest of their lives focused on the regrets, the things they said or did that they wish they had done differently. Here’s the thing…regrets are understandable, but they are completely unhelpful. You can’t change the past. It’s done. What you’ve said or done is done. It’s over and you can’t change it. You can certainly learn from it. You can take ownership of it. But you can’t change it.
What if we decided not to hold on to regrets or to not even have them? What if we can look to the past as something to learn from and to know that at the time we did our best, even though it doesn’t feel that way now? What would be different for you if you didn’t get stuck on regrets? What if you could examine your past without judgment, and instead look at it with compassion and empathy? What would be different for you? If you can’t change the past, what good is it to sit in those regrets?
I recently told my daughter that I’ve sometimes wished I could do college all over again. I had a great time in college, but I don’t remember that much of it. I partied my way through it, got below average grades and struggled a bit to find a decent job after I graduated. I could look back on that time with some regret for not learning more academically and for not taking the opportunity to learn more about myself as a young adult. And yet, I know that I did the best I could at that time based on my life experience and maturity level. I was who I was and I can’t change that. That specific college experience led to the beautiful life that I live right now. I learned so much at that time even though looking back on it feels like I learned a lot about beer and boyfriends!
Regrets, why bother? What if we took all of life’s experiences, the ones we are proud of and the ones we aren’t, and saw them as part of the kaleidoscope of our unique lives? In college, I made friends who remain some of my best friends to date. Their friendship has played a role in the life I lead today. I learned about making friends and keeping them. Isn’t that as important and profound as most anything my finance degree taught me? No regrets for me, because regrets don’t change a thing.
So what regrets can you let go of right this minute? How did that so-called regret lead to something powerful in your current life? What did the situation around that regret teach you? What will you differently because of it? What if you have regret about something that hurt someone else? What will you do differently next time? How will you own that situation and yet not let it drag you down?
Regrets, I have none. How about you?
Love,
Certified Professional Coach and Psychologist
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How often have you wished for that person in your life who listens deeply, doesn’t judge you, and doesn’t try to fix you? That person who holds space for you to talk through your struggles, your hopes, and dreams so that you can live the personal and professional life that you truly want? I’m that person. Yes, I’m a psychologist and a professional life and leadership coach but my superpower is listening, deep, empathic, compassionate listening. If you’ve been seeking a professional listener who will help you live the life you truly desire, let’s set up a time to talk. My email is Lisa@LisaKaplin.com.