Here’s how to have a really bad New Year:

Act like and/or believe that you or any member of your family is a victim of some sort. Say things like: “Poor me, I have to do everything around here, no one helps me” or “My marriage is bad, I have no money, I’m a loser” or “Everyone is skinnier, richer, happier than me”. Tell your children that you feel really sorry for them because they have to work hard in school, or have to deal with teachers who aren’t always so nice, or other children who are nasty and bratty. Trust me, these behaviors will guarantee that the new year sucks for you and your family.

You can also consider being angry or holding a grudge against as many people as humanly possible. You should definitely be mad about things like late returned phone calls, perceived snotty comments, minor slights, other people getting more attention than you, anyone who even thinks about looking at your kid cross eyed and the parents of children who may or may not have been mean to your kid.

If you are really looking for the worst year possible, here’s a thought, judge everyone you meet as harshly as possible. You should really consider judging yourself even more harshly. Criticize yourself and others constantly. Look for the faults in everyone you meet. If someone seems happier than you, by all means judge them quickly and harshly and then go home and verbally beat on yourself until you are really, really miserable. Yes, judge your children, your spouse, your friends, your family, yes, yes, yes! That’s the only way to guarantee a truly terrible new year. If you do all of this exceptionally well then you can head right into next year with a scowl on your face and a permanent indent in your forehead. Foxy!

Here’s how to have a really kick ass New Year:

Get yourself some amazing friends who are really happy for you when good things happen in your life. Crazy you say? My wise Rabbi suggests that anyone can be a good friend when the chips are down but a true friend is there for you when you are cranking on the good stuff (my reworking of his words). Here’s another thought, be happy for other people, even the ones who are doing better than you. You can even have periodic moments of jealousy as long as you admit it (at least to yourself) and then get back to being happy for other people. It really won’t kill you, you know.

Here’s another great way to enjoy the new year, find an opportunity in every negative situation that comes your way. Helen Keller said: “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” And oy vey, did she have her fair share of hardship. I know this seems counter-intuitive to a life of whining and complaining but it might actually lead you to a fine year and beyond. Courageous people throughout history have chosen to be happy through tragedy, hardship, and devastating loss and so can you. Why choose anything else? Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional (stolen from my life coach training).

So go ahead and make this year the year where you actually fulfill your resolutions. Just consider making some great resolutions. Here are some of my recommendations, resolve to be stronger, wiser, less reactive, less defensive, less judgmental, and more accepting. I’m not done yet; meet new people, challenge yourself, face your fears, grow, cry, laugh, learn a new skill, don’t micro manage yourself or others, don’t live through or for others, don’t clean your house everyday, don’t change who you are for others, find joy in every single day, never say no to a new adventure, and by all means, go get yourself a dog!

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC