One of the biggest things that hold my clients back from achieving their goals is their fear of what others will think of them. It’s pretty common that I rarely meet someone who doesn’t seem to care about the perceptions of others. So many of us seek confidence and self-esteem by looking outward at how others perceive us. It’s a doomed house of cards, because it’s a foundation that we can’t build on. It’s also not a secure source of factual information, in that we can think we know what others think of us and yet we are often incorrect. 

So here’s a truth bomb for you…no one really cares about what you do. Okay, maybe a few people do, but most of the people you meet do not care. They may really like you, may want to spend time with you, and yet they are worried about their own stuff. As long as you are not hurting other people, most of us don’t really care what you do. Here’s the truth, we have our own stuff to worry about. So if you decide to take a new job, or wear different clothes, or love someone new, we don’t really care. That may sound harsh and yet it’s meant as a, “You do you and if you’re happy, great.” 

Spending your one precious life worried about what other people think about you is the surest way to waste that precious life. If someone thinks poorly of you, that’s for them to figure out. If they don’t like who you love, what you wear, what you do for a living, that’s on them. And really, if someone has that much time and energy to be focused on you, then we might want to feel a bit bad for them versus trying to get them to think differently about us. 

Sometimes I’ll get to know someone who I’d met previously and they’ll say, “Oh, I was so worried that you wouldn’t like me.” Or, “I thought for sure that you thought I was so stupid.” I want to nicely say to them, “I didn’t really spend that much time thinking about you because I had my own stuff to think about.” I don’t say it because it usually pushes a button for others, but I mean it in the nicest possible way. 

Keep this truth bomb in your head and go live your damn life: Others don’t really care what you do. Seriously, they’ve got other stuff to worry about. 

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC