My First Mother’s Day

I vividly remember my first Mother’s Day. I had a colicky three-month-old who we dressed up for a fancy dinner with family. I managed to shower and get dressed that day, but I was exhausted and stressed from a total lack of sleep and the demands of a newborn. We got to the dinner and my baby started to scream. He continued to do so for the whole entire dinner. His screaming led to a breast milk let down on my part and we both ended up in the bathroom crying. It remains a day that will go down in infamy for so many reasons.

A painful lesson wasn’t learned on that Mother’s Day. It would take many more years for me to actually learn it. I didn’t want to go to that dinner. I didn’t want to get my colicky baby dressed up and I didn’t want to get dressed up. I wanted to stay home and relax on my first Mother’s Day. Yet I said yes and was completely miserable for the whole day. Why couldn’t I assert myself and say what I really wanted? How come it took so many years to actually learn how to set limits for myself and my children? 

Learning to set limits, say no, and manage expectations are the greatest lessons we can teach our children—and ourselves. #mothersday #motherhood #parenting #expectations  Click To Tweet

Another painful lesson was to not wear a dress that didn’t have easy access for breast-feeding. I don’t think further explanation is needed, but that day was the start of my rebelliousness against fashion that didn’t suit my lifestyle. You will never find me in Spanx or any such torture devise that doesn’t allow me to comfortably connect with those around me. High heels, except for the very rare occasion, have also been banned from my wardrobe and I couldn’t be happier.

Finally, I learned the lesson that Mother’s Day wasn’t about one day of cards and flowers. It was to be the heart of my life and one that I’ve tried to honor every day since my children were born. No Hallmark holiday can define motherhood; the challenge and joy of it and the emotional upheaval that is part of the experience. Motherhood isn’t how I define myself in that I am so much more than that, yet it is an all-encompassing foundation of my own adulthood and that of my children. 

I’m grateful for that first rocky Mother’s Day, because it helped me to build realistic expectations for the future. My children were never under my control, nor would I want them to be. Rather, we are on the journey together, learning daily from each other. Some days are rougher than others, but each of them has been a true Mother’s Day for me. I couldn’t be more grateful. 

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC