Do you have friends who complain that you never call them?
I don’t have many who say that to me anymore. Maybe that’s because they’ve stopped being friends with me! (Kidding… sort of.)
It’s always been an interesting comment — and one that used to make me instantly defensive.
“Well, I’ve been working nonstop.”
“There’s been so much going on with the kids that I barely have time to breathe.”
Both of those things are true. And what’s also true is that I’m just not great at calling people.
It’s not that I don’t care. I really do. I love my friends. I just also love my quiet time — my time to read, to sit alone, to be with my family, or to do absolutely nothing at all. After spending most of my workday talking to people (on Zoom, phone calls, in meetings), more conversation isn’t always my idea of rest.
But here’s the part that always got me: the friends who said that I never called… didn’t exactly call me either.
I used to point that out sometimes (usually not my best moment), and other times I’d just apologize and promise to do better — and then we’d repeat the cycle all over again.
Eventually, I realized what they were really saying wasn’t “You never call me,” but rather,
“I want to know that you care, and the way I’d feel that most is if you reached out first.”
And honestly, that would’ve felt so much more real. Because it’s not about who picks up the phone first — it’s about what we’re really trying to say underneath it.
The Beauty of Low-Maintenance Friendships
My favorite friends are the ones who don’t keep score.
They call when they want to talk. I call when I want to talk. And if we don’t talk for months, it’s fine.
My best college friends are like that. We can go a whole year without talking, and when we finally connect, it’s like no time has passed at all. We laugh, catch up, and fall right back into our old rhythm. No guilt, no drama, no “why didn’t you call?” — just friendship, exactly as it is.
Low-maintenance friends are the best friends.
If you don’t talk for months, it’s fine. When you do, it’s as if you’ve never been apart.
The Group Chat Counts Too
I also have a local group of friends who totally get this. We call ourselves “The Bitches” — affectionately, of course — and we take great pride in our low-maintenance friendship rules.
We mostly stay connected through our group text. Someone drops a meme, someone else shares a family update, and every now and then someone picks up the phone just because. If a call doesn’t get returned, no big deal. If it’s something important, we say so.
Are these the most emotionally deep friendships I’ve ever had? Maybe not. But they work beautifully for this season of life — busy schedules, full plates, and a shared understanding that love doesn’t require constant proof.
If You’ve Ever Said “You Never Call Me…”
Maybe pause for a moment and ask yourself:
Do you call them?
Do you reach out in the way you want them to reach out to you?
If not, why?
Maybe you’re afraid they won’t answer. Or that they’ll be “too busy.” But what if they’re just waiting for a call too? What if they’d be thrilled to hear your voice?
Sometimes connection is as simple as picking up the phone — without needing to keep score of who did it last.
Because the truth is, low-maintenance doesn’t mean low-connection. It means trust. It means love that doesn’t need constant reassurance. And it means knowing that even if we don’t talk every week, we’re still right there for each other when it matters.
Love,
Certified Professional Coach and Psychologist
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How often have you wished for that person in your life who listens deeply, doesn’t judge you, and doesn’t try to fix you? That person who holds space for you to talk through your struggles, your hopes, and dreams so that you can live the personal and professional life that you truly want? I’m that person. Yes, I’m a psychologist and a professional life and leadership coach but my superpower is listening, deep, empathic, compassionate listening. If you’ve been seeking a professional listener who will help you live the life you truly desire, let’s set up a time to talk. My email is Lisa@LisaKaplin.com.