Leading With Love

My rescue goldendoodle, Ralph, is a 2.5-year-old bundle of contradictions. He’s big, fluffy, rambunctious, and wildly affectionate—and at the same time, he’s afraid of almost everything. Loud noises, unfamiliar people, sudden movements… you name it, Ralph will jump. Because of his size, his fearfulness often looks like unruliness. He barrels toward people, unintentionally overwhelming them, and more often than not I find myself blurting, “No, Ralph!” as I try to redirect him.

One day, my daughter gently pointed out, “Mom, all Ralph hears is ‘No, Ralph.’ Do you ever tell him what you want him to do?”

It stopped me in my tracks. I raised my kids with love, clarity, and positive reinforcement. I’ve coached leaders the same way. I work every day to embody empathy, kindness, and compassion. Yet with Ralph—sweet, anxious, trying-his-best Ralph—I had fallen into the trap of correction without direction.

And as soon as she said it, I realized:

We do the same thing in leadership far more often than we realize.

The Limits of “No”

In moments of stress, urgency, or pressure, leaders often default to what they don’t want:

“Don’t email me things at the last minute.”

“Don’t talk to clients that way.”

“Don’t bring me problems without solutions.”

“Don’t miss deadlines.”

It’s easy to point out what’s wrong. But just like Ralph—who can’t possibly understand what “No Ralph!” means beyond “You’re doing it wrong”—our teams are left without clarity on what success looks like.

Correction without direction breeds confusion.

Correction paired with clarity builds confidence.

Leading with Love Isn’t Soft—It’s Smart

When I say “love,” I’m not talking about sentimentality. I’m talking about:

Kindness: assuming positive intent, even when behavior needs course-correction

Compassion: recognizing that fear, stress, and unmet needs often drive mistakes

Empathy: pausing long enough to understand what someone is experiencing

Good listening: creating space for people to tell you what they need to succeed

Leading with love means slowing down long enough to say:

“Here’s what I’d like to see instead…”

“Let’s try this approach next time…”

“What support would help you do this well?”

“Here’s what great looks like in this situation.”

It means guiding rather than scolding. Coaching rather than chastising. And yes—sometimes offering the human version of a reassuring scratch behind the ears.

Tell Them What You Do Want

With Ralph, things started changing when I switched from “No, Ralph!” to:

“Ralph, sit.”

“Ralph, stay by me.”

“Ralph, gentle.”

“Ralph, come.”

He may still be afraid of garbage cans and gusts of wind, but he’s far less confused about what I’m asking of him. And truthfully, I’m far less frustrated because I’m giving him a chance to succeed.

The same transformation happens with people.

Leaders who clearly and lovingly articulate what they want create teams that feel safer, more empowered, and more capable. When we replace reprimands with guidance, people rise.

The Most Loving Leadership Question

The shift is simple, but it’s profound:

“What do I want them to do?”

Not

“What do I want them to stop doing?”

Not

“Why can’t they do this right?”

Just

“What do I want them to do?”

And then: communicate that clearly, kindly, and consistently.

Leading with Love Changes Everything

Ralph has reminded me of something I’ve known for years yet needed to relearn:

People—and dogs—respond best to love, clarity, and compassion.

They grow when we show them what’s possible, not when we tell them only what’s wrong.

Great leadership isn’t about control, perfection, or constant correction.

It’s about helping others feel safe enough to learn, brave enough to try, and supported enough to thrive.

Sometimes the path to becoming a more loving leader begins with a goldendoodle who hears “No Ralph!” far more than he should.

And sometimes it takes someone we love gently reminding us that we can do better.

Love,