The best leaders I’ve worked with have always been highly empathetic and compassionate. They understand that employees and co-workers aren’t just influenced by work, but rather by all of the experiences in their lives. When someone shows up to work quieter than normal, a powerful leader checks in with that person versus interpreting their behavior as something work related. A strong leader doesn’t take that employee’s behavior personally and sees the opportunity to have an open discussion.
We are all complicated and multi-faceted people. We are influenced by many factors and the more we are aware of that for ourselves, the more we are aware of it for others. How often do we interpret someone else’s behavior as a criticism of us? And with that, how often is someone else’s behavior almost NEVER about us? Stepping back and asking ourselves, “What might be going on for this person?” allows us to see a whole person with lots of aspects to their lives and personalities.
When we just react to someone’s behavior without understanding why they might be showing up that way, it leads to more conflict, more disengagement, and more complications, particularly if we do this at work. Assuming someone is upset with you because they haven’t chatted with you today is a set-up for a fall for you, for that person, and for your relationship. What if that person hasn’t chatted because they are really concerned about a personal issue at home, or they don’t feel well, or they just got some bad news?
When we just react to someone’s behavior without understanding why they might be showing up that way, it leads to more conflict, disengagement, and complications. #leadership #relationships #empathy #compassion Click To TweetThe older I get, the more I have come to realize that when people aren’t very nice to me or to others around them, it isn’t about me or others. It’s about their own circumstances. I’ll never forget the day when I was pulling out of my neighborhood and accidentally cut someone off. This person pulled up next to me yelling, swearing, and flipping me off. I was kind of shocked in that we both live in the same community. A few minutes later, I turned on my car radio and heard the news that two planes had crashed into the World Trade Center in New York City. Suddenly, this neighbor’s behavior made more sense. His behavior wasn’t nice, and yet somewhat understandable in that we all felt scared and angry on that tragic day.
Next time someone shows up in a way that seems rude, different, or even possibly directed at you, ask yourself (and maybe them) if you might not have the whole story. Maybe how they are showing up has way more to do with something in their life versus how they are relating to you.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC