COVID-19 has brought so many lessons to so many of us. Some of those lessons have been profoundly powerful and inspiring and some of those lessons . . . not so much. COVID has proven to me that every time I think I’m not too judgy, I’m wrong. Turns out that I’m a huge Judgy McJudger, despite my protestations against judging. I’ve harshly judged mask deniers, vaccine deniers, pandemic deniers, and the periodic not really wearing the mask right wearer. Yep, if you were any of these, I judged you and I judged you harshly.

Here’s the thing about judgment: It’s super understandable and it’s super draining to the judger. My judging you was unlikely to convince you to get vaccinated or to wear a mask, but my judging you used up my precious time and energy that could have been spent loving my family, having time with friends, and cuddling my sweet fur-baby. Judging hurt me, not you. Judgy McJudger is tired after a long pandemic filled with judging!

Being True to Our Values Without Judging Others

So how do we drop the judgment? Many people think that we drop it by choosing the opposite of the negative judgment. So instead of thinking that mask denying is stupid and dangerous, I would turn that frown upside down and think that mask denying is good or just fine for that person. But that is still judging. Yes, it’s judging something as good versus bad, but it’s still judging. Not to mention, I disagree with it so it’s not authentic and I’m doing mental gymnastics to try and turn my judging around.

Not judging others doesn't mean abandoning your values. It means putting the focus back on yourself, your values, and your own wellbeing. #judgment #values Click To Tweet

We ultimately drop the judgment by dropping the judgment. The opposite of the judgment of good isn’t bad, but rather no judgment at all. What if I looked at mask deniers just as a fact of life, versus a miserable situation? Whether I judge the mask denier or not doesn’t change the mask denier, but it certainly changes me and my outlook. From a scientific point of view, I can state with facts that wearing masks works to stop the spread of COVID. That is a fact, not a judgment. The judgment is ultimately what drains me.

I’ve really had to ask myself, thousands of times, why I’ve been so judgy lately. There are multiple answers to that question and yet underlying most of our judgment of others is our own fears and insecurities. COVID scared me, being quarantined wasn’t always pleasant, changing many aspects of my life felt hard and I wanted to be angry at someone. So mask deniers were (and still are) an easy target. And yet, all of that judgment wore me down, made me tired, angry, and frustrated which only made the fear and discomfort worse. Do you see how that worked? The judgment hurt me most of all. It probably didn’t help my family either.

I’m pretty sure that working on releasing judgment will be a life-long pursuit for me. Bring it on. I’m up for the challenge. If you catch me being Judgy McJudger, let me know. I’m ready to drop that title.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC