It’s True In My Mind

During a recent coaching session with one of my fabulous clients, I asked her how true the story was that she was telling herself. She responded with, “It’s true in my mind.” It was such a wise and brilliant response that I stopped for a minute. Sometimes it’s easy from the outside looking in to think, “Just stop telling yourself that story.” But of course, if it were easy, we’d all just change that story and move on.

Sometimes we’ve told ourselves stories about our inadequacies and failures for so long they’ve become absolute truths in our minds. It’s hard for us to even see that they might actually be false. Our mind is powerful and convincing, and we tend to live what we tell ourselves. If our story is that we are too old, too young, too dumb, too ugly, and too worthless, we will look for evidence to believe our story is true. Yet if we change that story, we can also motivate ourselves to look for a new truth.

So how do we change that old, miserable story? First, we recognize that it is a story and that it is currently true in our mind. We do this without judgment and with awareness this is normal for us right now. Second, we figure out where we learned that story and why it may have helped us in the past, but now it is not at all beneficial. Third, we choose a new story. Yes, we get to choose and tell ourselves what this new story is. Then we continue to tell ourselves the new story over and over again until it is our new truth. It would sound something like this, “I am both smart and worthwhile.” Or, “I am accomplished and valuable.” Or, “My appearance is lovely and the least interesting aspect of who I am.”

Making Your New Story Your Reality

Now you are probably thinking to yourself, “Oh here she goes with her positive mantras and woo woo nonsense.” And I’ll have you know that I’m not the slightest bit offended by your thoughts! If you are perfectly able to tell yourself a false, ugly story about yourself then why in the world aren’t you able to tell yourself a true, beautiful story about yourself? Seriously, can you answer that question? Since you are telling yourself stories anyway, why not make it a really good one? Why not have your story be one that motivates you to live up to it?

If a mean, nasty story is true in your mind, a true, beautiful one can be stuck there as well. What if you don’t believe the new true story? That’s okay. You will as you start to live it. As you start to gain your confidence and change your behavior to match your story, your new story will become true to you and reality to you. Confidence leads to action and action leads to more confidence. Positive or negative actions lead to positive or negative stories and you get to choose which one to live.

Start right now! Write your new story. Change your own mind and practice doing so until the truth in your mind is the real truth, not some nasty story you’ve been telling yourself. You go! Let me know if I can help.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC