Ginger is my seventy-five pound., energy-filled Goldendoodle who joined our family almost eight years ago. I claimed that we got her for my children, but in actuality it was because I was lonely that year when my youngest child went to school full days. I don’t think I fooled anyone. My house was quiet and I was lost and unhappy. The demands of motherhood were decreasing and I’d put everyone and everything before my career, my own fulfillment, and me. I was moody, lonely, and not sure how to change the course of my own life and happiness.

I know I’m not alone because I meet so many women who feel the same way. Who knew that my sweet puppy would pull me out of this unhappiness and that observing her behavior would push me to change my own? Through my fog of feeling sorry for myself and not sure where to turn, I was able to observe some profound doggy behaviors that I decided to mirror. Maybe these will help you too.

1) Don’t take things so personally.

When Ginger first joined our family we made quite a few mistakes with her. My husband accidentally stepped on her tail. I left her in her crate for longer than I should have for the first few nights she was with us. And one time I accidentally left her in a dark garage for a couple of hours. After each of these incidents, she licked our faces and moved on. Just like that we were forgiven and invited to rub her belly. What a concept!

For much of my life, I would take things that others said so personally. I would harbor resentment and stay in my pissed off misery for days, weeks or months. I’m not sure who I thought I was hurting, but the answer is clearly myself. Revenge came in the form of my own unhappiness over some imagined and some real offenses by others. Ginger doesn’t love everyone and she doesn’t bother with those that she isn’t interested in; the rest of the world has automatic forgiveness in her book. I’ve followed suit.

2) Ask for what you want and feel free to be a bit bossy about it.

We know what Ginger wants because she lets us know. If she wants to go out she stands at the door and if necessary, she barks. If she wants to cuddle on the couch she comes over and stares at us until we make room for her. A treat? She sticks her nose in the pantry until someone sees her and responds to her request. She doesn’t get mad if we say no, but she’s never afraid to ask.

Frequently, I have been hesitant to ask for what I wanted. I didn’t want to be a burden or high maintenance. I wanted to be liked and loved, but not ask for those things. It turns out that most of us can’t read minds and simple requests usually lead to lovely responses. When I don’t ask for what I want, I’m resentful and miserable. When I do ask, I know exactly where I stand with others.

3) Never give up on your dream.

Ginger’s dream appears to be to catch and play with squirrels. She starts each day by chasing them through our yard until they scamper up our trees. Ginger sits at the bottom of the tree with her tail wagging waiting for further interactions. She’s never caught a squirrel and they don’t seem too interested in play dates with her, yet she never gives up on that dream. Ginger seems to actually have fun day in and day out in her pursuit of squirrels. I now give her words of encouragement before I let her out each morning, “You go girl! Catch that squirrel! Today is your day!” Who knows? Maybe some day they will invite her over for a quick game of tag or catch.

Somewhere between my melancholy misery and my motivational puppy, I adopted the belief in myself that I never give up. My kids might tell you that they don’t find that to be my finest quality, but not giving up has carried me far. I started my own business, reinvigorated my marriage, nagged my children (that’s the part they don’t love), and improved my health, all under the umbrella of not giving up on the dream of my own joyful life. Tenacity, both in squirrel catching and in life, turns out to be a rather fabulous characteristic.

There are days that I look at my sweet girl getting older, slowing down, and needing a few more naps. The powerful lessons that she has taught me remain solid, despite her aging years. She’s got a few other qualities that I’ve decided not to emulate; guilt mongering, sniffing butts, and questionable food choices. But who knows? Those might come in handy one day as well.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC