A topic that comes up again and again for me, my clients, and my friends is the feeling of being uncomfortable when we try new things, change something in our lives, or do something scary. It’s uncomfortable to suddenly be assertive and ask for what we want. It’s uncomfortable to set limits for ourselves when we’ve never done it before. It’s scary to make a big life change or to face a challenge that seems overwhelming.
When we feel like that, it’s completely normal to want to run back to our old ways that feel safe and comfortable. It’s hard to change and it’s really hard to feel uncomfortable and not do something about that feeling. Yet ultimately, the only way we learn, grow, and change is to get really comfortable in discomfort. We need to push ourselves to stay in that discomfort until we either learn what we are supposed to or we become comfortable with the change.
The truth is that it seems easier to stay in a miserable place than to change.
Most of us get stuck in bad habits or old patterns because they become easy and comfortable for us. We tolerate a bad relationship, or a dead end job, or misbehaving children until we wake up one day and say, “How did I get to this miserable place?” And the truth is that it often seems easier to stay in that place then to push ourselves into discomfort in order to change.
So how do we get comfortable in discomfort? We talk to ourselves. Yep, we remind ourselves that change is uncomfortable and hard. We tell ourselves that if we can hang on, we will feel better soon and the discomfort will have been so worth it. We think of hard things that we’ve conquered in the past and we remind ourselves that this too shall pass. We keep the end in sight and we reach out for help if we need it.
What have you done in your life that led you to finding comfort in the discomfort? What did it lead to? How did you grow from it? What are you holding yourself back from because you are avoiding that discomfort? What’s it going to take for you to dive in and get comfortable with the discomfort? Were you waiting for a sign? You just got it!
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC
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