Melancholy at the Passing of Time
Since my children started school, fall has held very mixed feelings for me. I love the change of seasons, I like the schedule of the school year, yet I often get melancholy at the passing of time and the limited time I get with my children as they get older. I vividly remember putting each of them on the bus for the first time, sending my oldest to college, and other major milestones. However, I don’t remember the last time I cradled each of them like a baby, or the last time I picked them up to comfort them. Suddenly, they were just older people and not needing my comfort and me as much as they used to.
Too Many Good-Byes?
Maybe it’s best that we can’t remember every little transition. Maybe that would be just too many good-byes, too many heart wrenching life changes, and too emotional for parents. Maybe it’s best that we mostly just see the forward motion and not the thousands of little good byes as our children grow. Yet the falling of the leaves and the hurried school mornings always carry just a bit of sadness for this mama.
Grateful for the Little Moments
As the school year swings into full gear I’m usually back to my happy status quo and enjoying the time I can spend on my work and my own personal development. I always wonder if there will be a fall when my heart doesn’t hurt like this, one in which I enjoy the beautiful trees and the cool breezes of the season without that little tug of sadness. Maybe that day will come when my children are happily settled into adult life and me fully into older adulthood. For now though, I’ll just have to be grateful for the little moments when they still need me, the sound of their maturing voices, their periodic hugs, and the site of their messy rooms.
Not Sure my Mama Heart Could Handle More
I’m glad fall is only once a year. I’m not sure my mama heart could handle it more than that. Yet I’m also so grateful for fall for without it there would be no gradual change to winter and the dark and cold that comes with it. I’m equally grateful for each year that my children grow and go to the next stage of their own lives. The world seems right, albeit scary, when things progress as they should. Maybe fall is nature’s way of helping parents to let go, to prepare for the next season, but most especially to enjoy the beauty of the moment.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC