Often, my clients tell me that they can’t stand a certain aspect of themselves. “I hate that I’m so afraid of doing that.” “I can’t stand that I’m so reactive.” “What’s wrong with me? Why am I so judgmental?” It’s not hard for most of us to list what we don’t like about ourselves. Recognizing that is great. It’s what we do with it after the recognition that often causes many of us further problems.
One of my clients recently recognized that she gets judgmental, and even a bit arrogant, when others don’t work as hard as she does or as hard as she thinks they should be working. She’s not alone in those thoughts and feelings, in that I see it in others and myself pretty frequently. My client’s awareness was powerful, and then she proceeded to chastise herself for ever thinking and feeling that way. She vowed to not be that way anymore.
Yet, how realistic is it that we will never be judgmental or never feel jealousy or frustration? Can we remove the aspects of ourselves that we fear and dislike? I think it’s safe to say that we can’t. We can diminish the outcomes of those feelings. We can catch them sooner and change them more rapidly, but those feelings and emotions are part of the human experience. We all experience those feelings and think thoughts that we might not be so proud of.
We can't remove the aspects of ourselves we dislike, but we can diminish the outcomes of those feelings. How different would we feel if we looked at our reactions with curiosity, instead of judgment? #feelings #self-improvement #fears #acceptance Click To TweetMy client was a bit shocked when I asked her how she would feel about embracing and accepting her thoughts and feelings around judgment and arrogance? What if she allowed herself those responses, at least internally, and even chose to love that aspect of herself? What if we all allowed ourselves a moment to feel jealousy or frustration or even judgment? What if we looked at those responses with curiosity and compassion?
How different would we feel and show up if we looked at our own reactions with curiosity, rather than judgment? What if we embraced the aspects of ourselves that we fear the most? What if we are human and think and feel in ways that are all part of our human journey? How much more freeing would it be to see our own “negative” emotions and allow ourselves to experience them and then choose how we want to respond from there.
My client decided she was going to work on embracing the aspects of herself that she found unappealing. She was going to look for when they showed up and ask herself why they were popping up now. She was even going to look for ways to utilize judgment and arrogance (read confidence) in positive, growth producing ways. It’s work that all of us might benefit from.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC