Do You Really Need A Vacation To Feel Human Again?

One of my clients just returned from a fabulous vacation. At our first session after her vacation, she told me that it took a few days but on her vacation she literally felt cortisol leaving her body. I’m not an MD so I’m not sure if that’s how cortisol works, but I do know this:  In short spurts, cortisol can boost your immunity by limiting inflammation. But if you have consistently high levels of cortisol, your body can get used to it. This can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22187-cortisol) I also know that I’m seeing so many examples of people exhausted, burnt out, and feeling an underlying misery due to the amount of stress they are experiencing. 

How is it possible that the only way for us to feel less stress and to really relax is to take at least a week of vacation on an island with limited internet access? And why have we all been ignoring this epidemic of stress, burnout, depression and anxiety as if it is normal and to be expected? We get one life, that’s it. One chance to live it fully, to love it, and to experience it in all it’s complicated glory. In today’s world, we are faced with constant chaos, work days that far exceed eight hours, and the burden of constant accessibility due to cell phones and the internet. 

When I was a child, my mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad worked as a civil engineer. My dad was home for dinner every night by 5:30 p.m. No work was done after dinner except the dishes and maybe some basic household chores. Our family wasn’t unique in that our middle-class neighborhood families lived very similar lives to ours. Today most families I know are either inundated with after-hour work demands or a mountain of after-school activities for their children. My family was similar when my kids were younger. 

I don’t look back on that exhausting chaos fondly. All of those after-hours sporting events meant that we rarely ate dinner as a family. It meant juggling driving, work demands, and household needs almost constantly. It was stressful and we didn’t even have the demands of too many after-hour work requirements. Today’s families are under even greater stress. Add to that a very confusing and expensive economic environment and you can see why so many people have high cortisol levels and severe stress reactions. Something has to give and that something shouldn’t be our health or time with our families.

It’s time for all of us to insist on a consistent and clear end to each work day. It’s time for us as parents to request less intense and less frequent practices for after-school activities. Here’s a tip…most of your kids are not going to grow up to be professional athletes, so is it really worth it to give up so much precious family time for these pursuits? Isn’t your well-being and the well-being of your family worth setting some boundaries? 

I know that I’m recommending this from a place of privilege and that many families can’t afford to work less. I wish I could change that as well. I’m asking all of you to ask yourself, “Is a job worth my mental and physical well-being?” “When my kids are adults, will they remember all of those sporting events or will they remember laughing at the dinner table with their family?” “Will my stress change anything or will my well-being change my life and the lives of those who mean the most to me?” Maybe it’s time to reduce those cortisol levels whenever and wherever we can.  

Love,