The other day, a client asked me if I ever feel like a little, insecure kid. I laughed out loud because, well, of course I do. Those little moments of fear, doubt, and insecurity creep up frequently. They don’t disturb me as much as they used to, but they also haven’t stopped visiting. I’m a pretty competent person, both personally and professionally. I get stuff done. Yet I don’t get stuff done without bouts of feeling like my pre-adolescent self.
My business is successful, and yet there is rarely a day in which I don’t have at least a couple of moments of worry about my own ability and the future of my business. I’ll sometimes finish a call with a client and worry that I’m not helping them to the best of my ability or sure that they can see my faults and insecurities. I periodically question my contribution as a wife, mother, daughter, and sister. I’m sure that I could do and be better.
So yes, I feel insecure, not good enough, fearful, overwhelmed, and at times downright terrified. I’ve always had those moments. However, what has changed for me is my ability to not let those thoughts or feelings become my reality. Instead, I am aware that I’m experiencing those feelings and I allow myself the experience, as unpleasant as it sometimes might be. Once I’ve allowed myself both the awareness and the acceptance of those thoughts and feelings, I remind myself that I always get to choose what I do with those.
I am not my thoughts and feelings, but rather I experience my thoughts and feelings. There is a big difference, and awareness of that allows us to choose what we do with those experiences. You are not fear, but rather you experience fear. You are not your thoughts, but rather you are having those thoughts. The difference is actually monumental. Most of us have learned to either react to our feelings or push them away. Neither is particularly helpful.
You are not your thoughts and feelings. Learn how observe, accept, and choose your thoughts and feelings, so they don't take over your life. #thoughts #feelings #fear #insecurity Click To TweetLearning how to observe, accept, and choose your thoughts and feelings allow all experiences to be part of your journey, but not to take over your life. How do you do this? Stop and check in with yourself and ask, “What am I saying to myself about this situation?” Or “Why am I feeling this way?” Do it without judgment and with curiosity. You’ll soon see that the younger, insecure you is just an experience in time and not your current reality.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC