One of my clients was telling me how some of his loved ones were trying to make him feel better by telling him how much worse others had it. He said, “I know they were trying to make me feel better, but that’s a pretty low bar. I might as well go around saying, ‘At least I didn’t self combust today.’” After I stopped laughing, I realized how right he really was.
We can always think of someone who has it worse than us, so we can use that situation to essentially shame ourselves into not feeling bad. Yet how effective is that? For my client it really wasn’t. He felt bad about something and he wanted to express those feelings. There is really no need to rationalize ourselves out of feelings in that they are just feelings. We all have them.
Feelings Are Temporary
What if we just recognized those feelings in ourselves and others, validated the feelings, experienced them, and then moved on? How much easier would that be than trying to make ourselves feel better by recognizing how much worse it could be? Think about that. It’s kind of depressing. Why can’t I just choose to feel good without having to see someone else as feeling worse?
On the other side of this is my client’s brilliant statement that I’ve decided to use as a mantra to make myself laugh and not linger too long or too dramatically into anything that I’m feeling. I was frustrated about a family situation the other day and when I realized I was just stewing away for half the day about it, I said, “At least I didn’t self combust today.” It made me laugh out loud.
I’ve shared the self combust mantra with friends and it’s made them laugh too. Our feelings are just moments in time that we are experiencing. Observe them, accept them, laugh at them, cry at them, and then let them go. Feelings are merely visitors in our life experience and we get to decide which ones we keep and which ones are best left to leave.
Feelings are just moments in time that we can experience and let go. We get to decide which ones we keep and which ones are best left to leave. #feelings #emotions #happiness Click To TweetI’m happy that I didn’t self combust today and I’m also happy that I experienced a wide range of emotions, all of them part of the human experience. I challenge you to both experience all of your feelings and to celebrate a day without self combustion. It’s a true win/win proposition.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC