How come our kids are so unhappy? How come so many of them are struggling with anxiety and depression? Why don’t they like college the way we did? Why don’t they look forward to adulthood the way many of us did when we were their age? There are lots of theories that include overscheduling, less play time, more homework, more social media, and more parental pressure. All of that is probably true, but something else that I notice is a push for our kids to “find their passion and follow it” at a very young age.
Did you know your passion at age sixteen? Eighteen? Twenty? I found mine when I was forty-nine years old. Luckily, I enjoyed the journey because I wasn’t attached to the concept of finding my passion much before that. The words, “find your passion” were certainly never spoken in my home. My parents instead promoted independence, financial security, and companionship. Passion for my work came at a snail’s pace and through a rather wild and convoluted journey. If I’d been pushed to find my passion sooner, I’m pretty sure it would have stressed me out.
We might want to be pushing our kids to enjoy the ride, live the experience, and find happiness in a wide variety of areas. We are keeping our young adults, and many of our older adults, in a state of attachment to the outcome of passion versus the learning path of the journey. Happiness is always in the moment, not in the guilt of the past or the worry of the future.
Instead of pushing our kids to find their passion, push them to enjoy the ride, live the experience, and find happiness in a wide variety of areas. #parenting #college #adulthood #stress Click To TweetAs I’ve been talking to friends about the stress their children are experiencing and to those young adult children themselves, I’ve realized that we are pushing to live extraordinary lives without enjoying the extraordinary in the ordinary. We can’t find passion and joy in the moment while still seeking further experiences of joy and passion in our future. I found these beautiful words that seemed to sum up the whole thing for me:
Do Not Ask Your Children to Strive, by William Martin
Do not ask your children
To strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
But it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
And the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
Tomatoes, apples, and pears.
Show them how to cry
When pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
In the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them
The extraordinary will take care of itself.
I’d love to hear what you think.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC