I’m sure you’ve all heard about or seen the Academy Awards show in which Will Smith slaps Chris Rock for a comment that Rock made about Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett Smith. You’ve probably also read and heard hundreds of opinions about how Smith was wrong, Rock was wrong, Pinkett Smith was wrong, etc. I’m definitely not here to debate right or wrong, good or bad. Rather, I’m here to say that we’ve all probably felt similar feelings, maybe had similar desires, and maybe even behaved in ways similar to Will Smith.
I once physically threatened another mom after she grabbed my son’s best friend by the neck because he had hit her kid with a nerf ball in a nerf ball play area. Yep, I walked right up to her, pretty much right up to her face, threw out about a thousand swear words and then told her that if she touched him again, I’d kick her ass. Yes, I did that. In case you are wondering, I’ve never once physically hit another person in my life. Never been in a fight. Never thrown a punch. None of it and I threatened this woman with physical violence. Did I mention that I’d thrown my back out that week so I essentially hobbled over to her when I made this threat? Can’t make this stuff up.
Do I regret it? Not really. Mostly because my kids and their friends still laugh about it and also because it reflects how truly passionate and protective I felt in that moment. This young man was (and is) my son’s best friend. We love him like he’s a member of our family and when I saw the marks on his neck, I lost it. I’m glad I didn’t hit this woman and I’m also glad that I shook her up a bit with my swearing diatribe. She never should have touched another child. Never.
Tempering Judgment with Empathy
Am I defending Will Smith’s physical violence against Chris Rock? I’m not. It was unacceptable and Smith deserves the consequences that will come from his behavior. I am, however, suggesting that we have all probably had the desire to do exactly what Smith did in that moment. We have all probably seen red when someone we love has been hurt by someone else. Feelings of rage and protection are normal and part of the human experience. What we do with those feelings is important because violence isn’t going to help and it will likely get us into even more trouble.
Feelings of rage and protection are normal. What makes the difference is what we do with those feelings. #rage #anger #love #protection Click To TweetI’m not even advocating for Will Smith in this blog. Rather, I’m advocating for all of us to check our judgment for a minute and to remind ourselves that we all have passionate feelings of love and protection, just like Smith did in that moment. I’d love to tell you that I would never hurt another human being and yet, I’m confident that if you mess with my kids, I’m coming for you! It’s likely that you’ll be able to outrun me and that even if I did hit you, it probably wouldn’t hurt, but still . . . don’t mess with the people I love.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC