One of the most common issues that my clients bring to our coaching sessions is related to feelings about the past. It’s understandable in that most of us can look back at times where we feel regret, shame, disappointment, even happiness that we no longer feel. And yet what I find is that my clients get stuck in the past. They get caught in regret over supposed mistakes or paths not taken or missed opportunities. Again, this is understandable but how helpful is it to stay in that space?

The past is just that, past. You cannot do it over, you cannot change it, and you can’t relive it. It’s done. So how long are you going to hold on to things that are done? What would it feel like to truly accept your past and move the hell on? (Sorry, a little snark added there for emphasis.) What is keeping you from accepting that the past is over? How different would your life be if you could live in that acceptance space and move forward?

Acceptance doesn’t mean that you don’t have feelings about the past or that you’ve decided to pretend that your past didn’t happen. Rather it means that you accept the feelings and emotions you have about your past, you accept your actions, and then you ask yourself “How am I going to move forward?” and you get moving! Acceptance means we leave the judgment in the past and accept what was so that we can live in what is and what will be.

You chose a path that isn’t right for you? Accept it and decide which path to take now. You spoke rudely to someone and you regret that? Apologize and move forward with the relationship if you can, and if you can’t, move on. Something bad happened to you? You can’t change that so what will you do to move forward? What are your choices? If you aren’t sure, figure it out and then move forward. There is always a way to move forward. It may not be the way that you planned it to be but there is still a way.

If 2020 taught us nothing else, it taught us we don’t have control over much. Did I want to accept a pandemic? Nope. I was pissed off, annoyed, frustrated, scared, and periodically in denial. None of that worked very well so at some point I had to accept what was and work with it. Acceptance is both a challenge and a blessing. It’s a release and a relief. If you are finding yourself held back in some way, look and see if you are not in acceptance and figure out how you might find that acceptance in order to move forward. You won’t regret it.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC