My husband and I just finished our first school year of having an empty nest. I had mixed feelings about being an empty nester, vacillating between absolute dread and counting the minutes until our baby left for college. This seems like the perfect time to evaluate and review how our first year played out.
Our dog is bored out of her mind. We may need to hire young wrestlers to come and play with her. Our youngest child spent hours playing and wrestling with her every day after school. The dog has tried to convince me to do the same, but it’s not working. I’m old, cranky, and out of shape. She’s lucky to get a walk out of me.
The first few weeks felt as if we had added days and weeks to our calendars. I had become so used to being busy around my kids’ schedules and events that I didn’t know what to do with my time. My husband looked equally as confused. We’ve both been working harder and more hours, but that’s probably because college is so FREAKIN’ expensive!
Our grocery bills went down dramatically. Enough to cover about one day of tuition at Penn State and one day at Occidental. (The colleges that our two younger children attend.)
The first question my husband and I ask one another each evening is, “Have you talked to the kids?” I’m wondering if this will ever change. We both get such joy out of talking to and about our children. I didn’t think our children would be out of sight out of mind, but certainly time and space hasn’t changed how much we love and miss all three of them.
Adapting to the New Normal
I can’t believe I’m saying this because it makes me sound really old but, that sure went fast. Does having children lead to time speeding up? Do non-parents feel the same way? Our children are all adults now. One is almost 100% off of the payroll (How do you ever get them off of the cell phone bill???), one will be graduating in 2020, and our baby is a full-grown man. That really went fast.
When our children leave home, adjusting to the empty nest is a sign of growth for us and for them. #parenting #emptynest #college #family Click To TweetThis feels right though. The first few hours were horrible. (I cried the whole time.) The first few days were painful. (I didn’t walk by any of their rooms.) The first few weeks were odd and uncomfortable and now this feels right. They have all three ventured off into their adult lives and seem to be adjusting just fine. Isn’t that what we want for our children? I know that isn’t the case for all parents. I’m sure there is a different version of adapting in those cases, and yet this feels right for my family.
I’m looking forward to a full house periodically. That full house will soon include a daughter-in-law and maybe someday grandchildren. Life is meant to move forward and my family is doing just that. There was some sadness on my part, but ultimately an acceptance of what an empty nester life looks and feels like. Now can someone come over and wrestle with my dog?
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC
Mixed feelings continue I have to say. They will still need you but it’s different grown up problems. They are doing what you want them to do!! This is what you raised them to be!
Thanks for sharing this. It’s 9 years away for me still (!), but I already dread this phase of life. Perhaps being single makes the prospect more depressing. But I look at my sister and her husband who’ve recently entered this stage and they’ve adapted to it, as you have. The peace knowing that our children are okay and will be fine, is perhaps the greatest peace a parent can hope for. Good luck with your dog!