A few weeks ago, I did a video shoot for my website. (Soon to be shared with all of you!) I was very excited in that it felt like the shoot went well. The videography team was helpful and inspirational, and made me feel comfortable with something that isn’t in my comfort zone at all. I was really looking forward to seeing the videos.

I could not get past my appearance.

Fast forward to this week when I was able to view the first video. I couldn’t even watch the whole thing. My stomach was in knots, my mood crashed, and I felt miserable. I said everything I wanted to say in the video, but I could not get past my appearance. All I could see was an old chip in my tooth, my round face, a few wrinkles, thinning hair, etc. I COULD NOT GET PAST IT!

I shut the video off and walked away. I was so ashamed of myself because I preach self-love. I help women to accept themselves exactly as they are. I spend hours giving talks, writing blogs, and coaching women to stop worrying about their appearance and start living their lives. And here I was unable to watch my own video about getting confident and happy. Seriously!!

So for a few days, I didn’t look at that video. Instead, I tried to wrap my head around my feelings and my strong reaction. Like many women, I’ve spent much of my life thinking that my appearance was the most important aspect of me. It was hard for me to realize that I haven’t shed all of that nonsense. Not by a long shot. Back to the drawing board for me.

I got my talk and my walk back.

I spent the rest of the week focusing on what makes me feel wonderful; family, friends, and work. Through my work, I began to feel strong and confident again. I felt loved and cared for by family and friends. I reminded myself again and again of my own strengths and accomplishments and not one of them had to do with how I look. That is how I got my talk and my walk back.

I saw a woman who tries hard to do good every single day.

Later, I went back to the video and I watched it with a clear, yet kind eye. I saw a woman devoted to her work. I saw a woman who tries hard to do good every single day. And I saw a woman who was flawed. Not because of her appearance, but just because we are all perfectly flawed and wonderful because of it. I critiqued the video for changes that I wanted to make. Those changes were not because my hair looked bad.

Clearly, this appearance obsession isn’t going to be an easy one to dump, but it hasn’t gotten the best of me yet. The least important aspect of me is how I look and that is the same for all of us.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC