One of my brilliant clients (They all are!) told me the other day that months ago she had cancelled her cable service. As a periodic couch potato, I was shocked and asked her why. She told me that she realized she had gotten too comfortable on her couch with her television shows and she wasn’t challenging herself to get out and face the world. She had had a couple of extraordinarily painful years and the TV was an easy ally. She realized that easy ally was keeping her from growing and moving forward in her life. So off went the TV and out my client wandered into a big, scary, uncomfortable world. And guess what? She has met a great man, she’s traveling, she’s going to concerts, and she’s thriving in her challenging career.
It was so much easier to just go to bed.
Another of my clients, after going through a really difficult divorce, decided to read the book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo. She then proceeded to clean up her home, her belongings, and her wardrobe in a way that felt validating to her. It wasn’t easy. Much of it was extremely uncomfortable for her, but she did it. When she first started the divorce process, she would frequently tell me that it was so much easier to just go to bed. Now I can see the stress melting off of her each time she comes into my office.
Still another client decided to take up piano, even though she had other, more pressing issues to figure out. It was hard at first, but she realized that she needed an outlet outside of her circumstances. She needed an outlet that was different, challenging, and certainly not in her comfort zone. She loves the piano! It relaxes her and it feels like an avenue that is just for her alone. It would have been easier for her to not try it and to stay in her usual, but not challenging, comfort zone.
The couch won’t challenge you.
Here’s the thing. The couch is always easier. It is easier than any other thing you do in your life. It’s safe. It won’t challenge you. And you certainly can’t fail if you are sitting on your couch. Sometimes the couch seems like the sanest place in the world. Maybe for a few minutes it is, but ultimately your couch isn’t where you will find joy. Getting off your couch, turning off your television and challenging yourself in some way is where joy resides. It won’t be comfortable and it certainly won’t always be easy, but on the other side of that couch might just be a whole big world full of joy.
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC