Recently, my 18-year-old daughter was having a tough night. She was tired from working two jobs, stressed out about her college admissions, and overwhelmed with homework. She was in tears and had no idea what to do next. Typically, I fall into fix-it mom mode in which I start problem solving versus really listening. Not surprisingly, this frustrates my daughter even more and really doesn’t help at all.

What do you need to do right this minute to take care of yourself?

For some reason on this particular night, I got inspired to not problem solve for her. Instead, I heard her out and then said, “What do you need to do right this minute to take care of yourself?” She looked at me with a surprised but grateful look and said, “I need to go to bed right now.” Off to bed she went and the next day she told me how much that question helped her. I’m sure she was thinking, “Why did it take you eighteen years to figure that out?” But she was kind enough not to say so. Instead, she said a good night sleep was exactly what she needed to get everything done and to feel good.

All day I thought about the question that I had asked my daughter and how often I have asked myself that same question. Rarely, when I am overwhelmed or stressed, do I ask myself what I need to do to take care of myself. Instead, I often push myself harder, judge myself, or ignore the signs that I need a break. Of course all of that pushing just stresses me out more and adds to the feeling of overwhelm. I notice that many women seem to be doing the same thing. We walk around overwhelmed and exhausted and wonder why we are cranky and unhappy.

What would help you right now?

So, what do you need to do right this minute to take care of yourself? A nap? A walk? Talking to a friend? Listening to music? Work? Play? A hug? What would help you right now? What if doing that very thing helped you to feel better, accomplish more, and find genuine peace and happiness in your life? Maybe we are going about things in the exact opposite way that we need to. Maybe slowing down and taking care of ourselves will actually help us to be more accomplished, be happier and healthier, be more creative and more productive versus the other way around.

What a concept! I’m going to try it. Who is with me?

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC

Don’t Let Stress Control Your Life

Stress is literally killing us. It is physically debilitating, emotionally exhausting, and a true relationship destroyer. Much of the common stress reduction advice is superficial and at best a Band-Aid. Lisa’s tried and true approach to permanent stress reduction has changed many of her client’s lives. She teaches you the exact steps you need to take to reduce stress for good regardless of the chaos around you.

• When you know how to reduce the stress in your life and your reaction to it, you will be filled with happiness and relief.
• You will no longer fear stressful situations or how you will feel when you confront them.
• Without all of that stress your relationships will improve, you will be more productive, and filled with amazing energy.