Apparently, I’m a bit of a romantic when it comes to life’s milestones.  I picture the big days as a blur of smiles, laughs, family unity, and of course perfect weather.  On my wedding day it rained, snowed, and had a drop of sunshine, all while family members were licking wounds from an exhausting engagement period in which none of us really got along.  The day itself was fine, but in no way duplicated the wedding milestone in my imagination.

In May, my oldest son graduated from college.  I envisioned a smiling graduate waving at his parents, proud parents snapping pictures of their co-ed, and equally enamored siblings sitting at the ceremony cheering their brother on.  It turned out that our graduate was exhausted from a week of graduation celebrations and was slightly less than chipper throughout the weekend.  Instead of sitting outside on a gorgeous campus, we were instead shuttled into a rather stuffy gym due to pending thunderstorms.  Did I mention that allergy season was in full bloom and half of us were heavily dosed with allergy medicine as histamines coursed through our bodies?

After an hour into the ceremony, the graduate’s siblings were hungry and shuffled off to eat.  This after a solid half hour of whining because they were hungry, tired, and bored.  Our graduate wasn’t very motivated to take beautiful family pictures after the ceremony, so we quickly snapped a few and proceeded to the final stages of moving him out of his apartment.  Did I mention the thunderstorm that hit as we were moving him out?

Feeling more than a bit let down, I was ready to call graduation weekend a mild disappointment.  I started thinking of the next big milestone and how I was sure that one would be perfect.  As our two-car caravan headed out of rural Ohio, my son joined me in one car and our two youngest children went in the car with my husband.  My son and I talked for most of the seven hour drive.  We talked about his college experience, his hopes for the future, and how quickly time had passed for both of us. Those seven hours were some of the best hours of my life.

Halfway home, we met up with my husband and other children at a fast food restaurant where we laughed at some of the crazier events of the weekend.  At one point, we were all laughing so hard that we were crying and all my milestone angst slipped away.  The milestone magic had nothing to do with a graduation ceremony or family pictures, but rather those small but profound moments of joy that we find with those that we love the most.

No doubt I will set up silly expectations for the next family milestone, but I hope I’m wise enough to remember milestones gone by that were completely different than my expectations.  I hope I can remind myself that it isn’t the milestone, it’s the moment.  And if I keep my eyes open, I will find the magic in the milestone . . . even if there is a bit of misery along the way.

Love,

Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC