The constant harping to “be careful” is making our children afraid of everything.
I recently sent one of my children off to college and my other two off to high school. If the news is any indication of the state of the world, I should probably be terrified to death. Should I have warned my children to watch out for rapists, murderers, machine-gun-toting high school terrorists, thieves, cheaters, drunk drivers, drug pushers, and the like? Well, I didn’t because I don’t want my children to spend their lives in fear. Yes, all of those bad things have happened in the world and I realize they can feasibly happen where my children attend school, too. Yet, if you read the numbers carefully, my kids probably have a better chance of winning the lottery than they do of becoming a victim of some random violent crime.
Are You Giving Your Child an Ulcer?
Periodically, I will sit at the park and listen to parents talking to their young children and this is what I hear, “Be careful, you could fall.” “Don’t touch that; it has germs.” “Stranger danger! Don’t say hi to that man, he could be dangerous.” (This when it was the father of another child at the playground.) This constant fear-based talk isn’t limited to the playground, it is alive and well in elementary schools where parents are giving fourth-graders kid-size ulcers with doom-and-gloom warnings like, “Don’t get a bad grade or you’ll never get a good job or get into an Ivy League school and you’ll be a failure in life.”
College campuses are even more intense, with helicopter parents saying: “I’m calling your RA because your room is too cold.” “I’m calling your professor for an extension on your paper because you need your sleep.” What’s next, calling the President of the university to complain about the lack of kale cookies in the cafeteria? Is it any wonder that so many college kids have been branded “teacups” because they crack so easily under any pressure?
Yes, Keep Your Child Safe But…
Yes, absolutely, it is our job as parents to keep our children safe, to warn them about reasonable dangers, and to advise them about good decision making that will help keep them safe. But, it is not our job to teach our children to be terrified of the world. Continue reading the full article on YourTango below…
Love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC
Click here to read the article on YourTango…
Lisa – I SOOOOO agree with this. It is the Law of Attraction – if you talk about it and think about it and worry about it – you bring it about. I know it seems extreme that warning your children constantly to be careful of this will actually make it happen – but it constantly puts that thought in your mind and their minds – so attracting that energy! I think one neutral conversation about these things so they are ‘aware’ (which they probably are anyway!) – set a neutral place to have a ‘conversation’ – not a harping session – love this blog post – great job!!! Hugs, Bobbi
Bobbi, I agree that it just brings an unnecessary, and maybe dangerous, focus on fear and lack of trust. Thanks for your comments!