I had a client recently — let’s call him Mark — who told me he’s a world-class procrastinator.
The kind who watches the deadline approach like a slow-motion car crash, can’t look away, and
somehow still doesn’t start until the wheels are already coming off. He’s tried every
productivity hack on the internet. Time-blocking. The Pomodoro Technique. Eat the Frog. He’s
eaten the frog. He’s eaten an entire amphibian buffet. He still procrastinates.
But here’s the part that was really eating him alive: he doesn’t just procrastinate. He judges
himself for procrastinating. And then, because judging yourself is exhausting and unpleasant,
he procrastinates some more to avoid feeling the judgment. It’s a perfect little hamster wheel
of self-loathing, and he’s been running on it for years.
So I asked him something he wasn’t expecting:
“What if you just had fun procrastinating?”
He looked at me like I’d lost my mind. Which, fair. I’m a coach, I’m supposed to help him stop
procrastinating, not hand him a permission slip.
But here’s the thing — and I want to be careful here, because this is the part people
misunderstand. I wasn’t telling Mark to give up. I wasn’t saying “procrastination is great,
embrace it forever, your deadlines are a social construct.” I was pointing at something more
specific: the judgment was doing more damage than the procrastination ever did.
The Research (Yes, There’s Research)
This isn’t just a vibes-based theory I cooked up between client sessions. There’s a now-famous
2010 study by Michael Wohl, Timothy Pychyl, and Shannon Bennett that followed 134 first-year
university students across two rounds of midterm exams. They measured how much the
students procrastinated before the first exam, and how much they forgave themselves for it
afterward. The students who forgave themselves for procrastinating on the first exam actually
procrastinated less before the second one. (Wohl, Pychyl Bennett, 2010)
Read that again, because it’s wild. The thing we all assume keeps us in line — beating ourselves
up — is actually the thing keeping us stuck.
Love,
Certified Professional Coach and Psychologist
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How often have you wished for that person in your life who listens deeply, doesn’t judge you, and doesn’t try to fix you? That person who holds space for you to talk through your struggles, your hopes, and dreams so that you can live the personal and professional life that you truly want? I’m that person. Yes, I’m a psychologist and a professional life and leadership coach but my superpower is listening, deep, empathic, compassionate listening. If you’ve been seeking a professional listener who will help you live the life you truly desire, let’s set up a time to talk. My email is Lisa@LisaKaplin.com