Frequently, clients will tell me that they are just going to tolerate a situation. Or they are just going to not feel bad anymore, for any reason. As I’m known to do, I respond with, “What could go wrong with that plan?” Luckily, my clients seem to enjoy my snarky attitude. Here’s the problem…if you mute any feelings, you are muting all the feelings. So, if you try to mute sadness, you mute happiness or joy. If you tolerate something, it means you aren’t fully experiencing all the thoughts and feelings surrounding that situation. Is that what you really want?
A few weeks ago, I was really upset about a few situations and I was trying to talk myself out of feeling bad. I know better, and yet I still thought I’d try. I kept saying, “I’m not going to get upset by this.” Yet, I was really upset and sad about it. I was walking around with a fake smile and not being fully present for much of anything.
My daughter-in-law (DIL) sent me a video of my son dancing with their sweet baby girl. My granddaughter was smiling and cooing, my son was smitten and I’m guessing my DIL was absolutely loving the moment.
I barely looked at the video. I sent a quick text back to my DIL and proceeded to pretend that all was okay. It wasn’t. I wasn’t okay. I was sad, upset, scared, angry, and so many other feelings. And still, I tried not to feel any of it.
A few minutes later, I decided to go back and watch the video of my son with his baby girl. I watched it over and over and eventually, I let the tears stream down my face at the absolute joy of that moment. The joy of watching my baby as a father and husband. The joy of watching him fall in love with his daughter just as I had fallen in love with him when he was a baby.
I cried also because I was sad scared and angry. I was all those feelings. When I let the joy in, the true joy, I also let in the other feelings and that was the beauty of it all. We are humans. We feel lots of feelings and none of them are good, bad, right, or wrong, despite all the messages that we’ve received to the contrary. Sadness is as beautiful as joy. Fear is as normal as jubilation and excitement. The opposite of happy isn’t sad. The opposite of any feeling is a lack of feeling and that’s not the life I want to live.
My wish for you is to feel all the feels. Let yourself truly live all the experiences that life has to offer. The opposite of the feelings is a life not fully lived. I’m pretty sure that’s not the plan you want for your life.
Love,
Certified Professional Coach and Psychologist
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How often have you wished for that person in your life who listens deeply, doesn’t judge you, and doesn’t try to fix you? That person who holds space for you to talk through your struggles, your hopes, and dreams so that you can live the personal and professional life that you truly want? I’m that person. Yes, I’m a psychologist and a professional life and leadership coach but my superpower is listening, deep, empathic, compassionate listening. If you’ve been seeking a professional listener who will help you live the life you truly desire, let’s set up a time to talk. My email is Lisa@LisaKaplin.com.