About 15 years ago when I was going through a challenging time of life, a friend gifted me with a gratitude journal. Admittedly, I initially thought of it
as woo woo nonsense, which really reflects my mindset at the time. I was feeling sorry for myself, I didn’t have a direction for my life and was in
reaction mode in my relationships. I thought of gratitude as spiritual bypassing and a “turn that frown upside down” nonsense. What could go wrong?
I decided I didn’t have much to lose by writing daily in the gratitude journal from my friend. Initially it started out as a “this sucks BUT at least I have a
roof over my head” or something similar. I was finding things that I was unhappy about and then rationalizing my misery with something that I “should” be grateful for. It helped a little but really not that much. I was trying to rationalize my way out of unhappiness by scolding myself about all of the things that I should have made me happy.
Bottom line, it failed.
Yet I did feel a tiny bit of a shift in energy everytime I tried to think of things to be grateful for. I would look at my sweet dog and smile or I would relish
that first sip of hot coffee as it hit my blood stream every morning. I did find myself starting to look for things that I was grateful for in my current world.
The gratitude wasn’t a replacement for the things that I was unhappy with but rather it’s own unique feeling.
I started to allow myself to be unhappy AND to be grateful for things in my life. They weren’t mutually exclusive and that changed everything.
Pretending we are happy when something is bothering us isn’t going to change the situation and yet it will leave us feeling guilty and ashamed that
we aren’t at least feeling grateful for what we do have. Instead allowing ourselves to be unhappy or stressed or any other emotion and also recognizing what we are grateful for opens up the door to us validating anything we are feeling without judgment.
I started to be grateful, truly grateful for sadness, guilt, frustration, resentment, as well as my kids, my husband, my dog, coffee, travel, a roof
over my head, and so many other things. I started to be grateful for all of it. For the journey of life, for the lessons I was learning, for the growth and the
grief. I wasn’t turning my painful feelings into happy ones but rather I was accepting those painful feelings for what they were and I was so grateful to
do so.
Gratitude without the guilt is game changing. I’ve removed the “I shoud be grateful for . . .” from my gratitude practice and instead focused on radically accepting and being grateful for all of life’s journey. Admittedly, it’s pretty easy to do so when things are going well and a bit harder when they aren’t. Yet, what I’ve found is when I’ve come to gratitude on the hard things I’ve accepted what is and I’ve looked for the growth that has come from those tougher situations.
It’s changed my outlook on life and for that I’m grateful.
Love,
Certified Professional Coach and Psychologist
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How often have you wished for that person in your life who listens deeply, doesn’t judge you, and doesn’t try to fix you? That person who holds space for you to talk through your struggles, your hopes, and dreams so that you can live the personal and professional life that you truly want? I’m that person. Yes, I’m a psychologist and a professional life and leadership coach but my superpower is listening, deep, empathic, compassionate listening. If you’ve been seeking a professional listener who will help you live the life you truly desire, let’s set up a time to talk. My email is Lisa@LisaKaplin.com.