A few years ago, I accidentally locked my dog, Ginger, in the garage. It took me about
an hour to realize that she was missing and then a bit longer until I opened the garage
door and there she was. She was thrilled with me. I got a bunch of puppy kisses, big tail
wags and a truly delightful reunion with my dog who I had locked in the hot, smelly
garage. Now I’m pretty sure that if I accidentally locked my husband in the hot, smelly
garage for even five minutes, he wouldn’t be as thrilled to see me as Ginger was. In
fact, and rightly so, he’d be pretty annoyed with me and would probably tell me so.
Ginger, and our new dog, Ralph, love me unconditionally. I can do no wrong in their
eyes. I can accidentally step on their tail and they forgive me. In fact, they never even
get mad. I can be snippy with them and all is okay with the world. I can be a bad
listener, snarky, and downright bitchy and guess what? They still love me and are still
happy to be with me. My husband may still love me, but I’m pretty confident that when
I’m snarky, bitchy, and a bad listener, he would rather not be hanging out with me. My
dogs don’t ask me to decide what we are having for dinner, they don’t get mad if I laugh
at them, and they don’t insist I answer the phone when they call. (Okay, so they don’t
actually call me).
It’s easier to love my dog than it is my husband. That’s the truth. I’m not saying it’s
better because it’s easier, I’m just saying that dogs love without asking for much in
return. Honestly, my husband is pretty low maintenance. He doesn’t ask for a lot, but
he sometimes looks at me as if I’m not perfect. How dare he? Ralph thinks I’m perfect.
(Or at least that’s what I’m choosing to believe when he gazes at me with his big
brown eyes.) My husband gets annoyed with me, I frustrate him frequently and seeing
that on his face doesn’t feel so great.
Loving another human, whether they are your spouse, partner, parent, child, friend, or
colleague is scary. It’s actually terrifying because they might not love you back. They
might ask you to change your ways or be less annoying and frustrating. There are
things about you that they won’t like and let’s be honest. It doesn’t feel good when
someone you love doesn’t like something about you. Now that my kids are adults, they
see my flaws and they are mostly willing to tell me what they are. Ouch! It was far easier
when they were toddler age and I was the light of their lives. They disagree with me
sometimes and they even go out of their way to prove me wrong. It absolutely sucks.
And yet, even though it can be challenging to love my husband and my children, loving
them teaches me more about myself, more about them, and more about what it means
to be a full-grown adult. My life would be so boringly easy if I just had my dog
to love and to love me back. I wouldn’t have to put much effort into understanding
myself, learning how to communicate with love and compassion, or even how to avoid
locking someone in a smelly garage. Loving other humans means putting your heart on
the line. It means getting hurt sometimes, rejected, even abandoned in some cases. Of
course we’re scared to love other humans.
With all of that, my advice to you is to love other humans. Love them with wild abandon
and with the belief that even if you get hurt it will have been worth it. We are meant to
love each other and to open each other’s hearts to new feelings and, new experiences,
even the ones that can be painful. Love your fur babies too, because that’s really lovely
as well. My other piece of advice, try not to lock your husband in the garage too
frequently. He probably won’t like that.
Love,
Certified Professional Coach and Psychologist
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How often have you wished for that person in your life who listens deeply, doesn’t judge you, and doesn’t try to fix you? That person who holds space for you to talk through your struggles, your hopes, and dreams so that you can live the personal and professional life that you truly want? I’m that person. Yes, I’m a psychologist and a professional life and leadership coach but my superpower is listening, deep, empathic, compassionate listening. If you’ve been seeking a professional listener who will help you live the life you truly desire, let’s set up a time to talk. My email is Lisa@LisaKaplin.com.