Apparently, the topic of balance and setting boundaries is going to be an ongoing one for my clients and me. I used to hear about it mostly from women but, for better or worse, lots of men seem to be struggling with the same issues. We live in an incredibly fast-paced world and it seems that we are only going to continue that fast pace. We are constantly getting notifications, emails, texts, messages, etc. that keep us from really shutting down. The days of going on vacation and not hearing a word from or about work seem to be long gone. If you are still able to do that, congratulations to you!
If you are like so many Americans, setting limits on work and finding balance in your life is getting harder and harder. My European friends seem to be doing a far better job of this than we are here in the States. Let’s assume that it’s not okay for you to completely turn off notifications and that the boundaries you set are limited by your work environment. How can you find balance? The answer, like so many other things in life, are related not to the situation at hand, but rather on how we view the situation.
If every time I get a notification on my phone or computer I tell myself that this situation sucks, then I will probably feel overwhelmed and put-upon. Then I will show up frustrated and annoyed. That’s all understandable, but probably not a great long-term solution. I can also capitulate or tolerate the notifications and say to myself, “Whatever. It is what it is.” but that probably won’t have me feeling empowered over the long run.
What if balance and boundaries were ultimately an inside job? What if you can find balance in how you think about things and then set boundaries based on those thoughts? “I love my work and I’ll love it more if I shut down for a few hours every day.” Or, “I’ll set specific times each day to check emails and messages and I’ll look forward to doing so as part of a productive work day.” Here’s the thing…if you can’t change the situation, how can you change the way you’re thinking and feeling about it in order to find your own happiness and balance?
We live in a fast-paced, stressed-out world and we can’t change most of that. We can change how we face that pace and how we interact with the world. Maybe it’s time to make a balance and boundary internal and external plan for yourself. Wishing it were different won’t change it, but defining how you want to handle it all will. Let me know how you do.
Do you need help finding your voice, developing confidence and solution-centered plans to unlock the next chapter of your life in fulfilling ways that bring happiness and increased self-esteem (so that you’re not as affected by the crazy making behavior of others?) If so, I can help. Click here to learn more or inquire about my leadership and empowerment individual coaching options.
With love,
Lisa Kaplin Psy. D. PCC